Lost [ENG]

𝟗. 𝑳𝒐𝒔𝒕, 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕, 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑰'𝒎 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅

Thursday evening. I left the house, slightly late compared to the time I used to go to the studio. It was half past seven and the November sky had gone dark for more than two hours. Although the hours of daylight had drastically decreased, the sky was clear and I could almost see a few stars. I took a deep breath, and the cold night air burned in my lungs. I wrapped the scarf around my neck once more, and then opened my car door. Six days had passed since the discussion with Marisha, and the same days had passed since I had last heard her voice; in fact I had avoided in every way to answer her calls: if it was true that she needed space, I needed it too.

I lowered the mirror over the steering wheel, and looked into my eyes. In the last few days, I was used to seeing them always surrounded by red, ruined by tears, while at that moment, my blue irises were as if they had regained a clearer and brighter color. I ran a hand through my clean hair, which remained still for a few thousandths of a second in the air, and then fell back along my temples, following the movement of my hand. I turned on the radio and recognized a pressing refrain of a pop song, sung by a very familiar voice. I turned up the volume slightly, only to realize that I could only hear the last words: "Lost, I was lost, now I'm found", and then the voice of a man exploded in the speakers of my car, desperately trying to keep me glued to his station. I changed it immediately.

I found myself in front of the Critical Role studio in about half an hour. It was 8:03 pm when I turned the keys and took them out. I opened the door, and a light breeze caressed my face. Driven by a sudden and unjustified laziness, I kept the jacket closed with my hands, to avoid closing it with the zip. It wasn't worth it, considering that there were only a couple of meters to get to the studio entrance. I pushed the door, and I felt that scent of freshly printed paper and hot coffee invade my nostrils, reach up to my chest, generating a feeling of serenity: I felt at home.

Still, I still had a strange feeling. I reached the floor above, and immediately ran into Taliesin, standing in front of the coffee machine.

"Dungeon Master! I thought you ditched us!" he said, opening his arms to me. "In that case, we would have asked Brian to replace you, would that have been a problem for you?"

He knew how important the role of the DM was for me, which is why he always enjoyed teasing me about it, finding every good opportunity to take that role from me.

I made a face at him, and handed him a coin, implying a request to make me a coffee too.

"Not so long ago, some social media people were looking for you, as soon as you have time can you reach them there?" Taliesin informed me, pointing to an adjoining room. I nodded, and as soon as I finished my coffee and exchanged a few words with my friend, I headed for the door that was previously suggested to me. I opened it and found two guys, in fact employed in the administration of social media; with them, also Marisha.

My heart suddenly jumped into my throat and a shiver down my spine made it stiffen. "Did you need me?" I asked, closing the door behind me. No one had noticed my presence until I asked them the question. Everyone looked up at me, including my wife, who I noticed was having a physical reaction similar to mine.

"Y ... Yeah," one of the guys replied, sending quick glances at me and Marisha, perhaps remembering all the gossip about the two of us he'd been wallowing over the last few days. I walked over to the table, and tried to focus on all the patterns and papers that occupied the wooden surface, but my gaze was elastically connected to my wife.

I had always considered her beautiful, and all of a sudden, it was as if my eyes, which had been deprived of that beautiful vision for too long, wanted to scrutinize every detail, which seemed to have been lost.I spent the next grueling ten minutes like this.

The guys from the administration disappeared quickly, as if wanting to leave Marisha and me alone, but to everyone's surprise, I followed the wave and walked out of the room. "Matt" my wife called me, and in that second, the door closed in front of me. Fucking social media guys ...

I turned to her. "What?" I asked lightly, as if I didn't know the real reason for her call.

"We need to talk" she said, moving closer.
I nodded."Not now ..." I said and turned around, but she caught me by the wrist.

"Matt" called me again. She pulled me up to her, ran a hand over my cheek, and stopped it behind my neck. "I miss you" she said, looking me softly in the eye. "You too" I replied, but only in my head.

Her proximity made my stomach turn upside down.

I kept looking at her face so delicate, so sweet, so beautiful. Inevitably my gaze stopped on her lips, red, thin, which tempted me more than anything else. I ran a hand through her hair and stopped it to her neck. She grabbed it, and kissed my knuckles. She returned with her gaze fixed on mine. I could not stop looking at her, her brown eyes shone in the light of the room and stared at me as full of desire, mixed with pain, like mine. Maybe I should have gone out, maybe I should have "go ahead and allow myself to finally feel good", but in that moment, in that single fucking moment I realized that I could neither go on nor be well, if not with her, the only person I really needed to be happy.

"No easy love could ever make me feel the same"

One Republic, Wherever I go