Sunday Routine

I remember it hurt,

Seeing her laying there.

Feeling completely useless and helpless

Almost as if all of the sudden the world had come to an end.

Her pale skin, still

Her eyes no longer seen,

But painted beautifully like Picasso art.

Dressed for the dead,

Everyone in dark and gloomy colors like the weather.

Trying to be there for my mother

But I failed because no one was there for me.

It was sad for everyone.

People coming from all over

Realizing who they just lost.

A mother and father lost a daughter,

A daughter lost a mother,

A sibling lost a sister,

A coworker lost a member,

A team lost a friend,

A Goddaughter lost her Godmother.

Someone who has been there every Christmas,

Every Halloween,

Every Easter,

Every Birthday

Suddenly gone forever.

No more hugs, kisses or cards saying "I love you Gaby" signed Kris, xoxo

How am I supposed to feel?!

Sad, mad, happy that she's in a better place.

An important person leaves my life forever!

My cheeks getting hot,

My breath leaving me,

Tears flowing like a river,

My soul feeling yanked out of me

Not even being able to tell you what my last conversation was with her.

Can you imagine that?

I don't remember the last time I said hello,

Thank you,

Or I love you.

And it hurts.

Did she even know how much I appreciated her?

I was so young.

She was so young.

She didn't deserve to go.

Why'd she have to get sick?

Why'd she have to leave?!

Why God!??! WHY??!!!

Where are my answers?!

I've never been this distorted in my life.

Can you please just answer me!!?

She didn't finish living!

She had so much life ahead of her!

She had a child! a family! Friends! Loved ones!

...

I'm sorry,

I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

You were just doing your job.

I just can't see how you can take your child off this earth.

What were your motives??

Someone so loved and cherished, taken.

While a murder, who's hated and not wanted, lives.

I just don't understand

Help me understand!

...

I am glad she is in Heaven with you.

For her pain is now gone.

But what of the pain of those who lost her.

When does that end?

2013 is when she left.

Now come 2022

And I'm still hurting not able to see her face,

Charming smile,

And a loving heart that beated for all.

But thank you, I can forgive you

For you have saved from her pain and suffering.

And I am grateful, although sad,

Can you forgive me...?

No answer,

Can't say I'm surprised.

I guess I'll keep waiting.

See you next Sunday,

Amen.