How to Be Brave?

I Will Be Brave 2/2

On screen, he is spellbinding. She can't take her eyes off of him, not for a single second. The way he moves and speaks, interacts with the other people in the scene with him. She knows how incredibly fortunate she was to witness the pure magic of both working with him and watching him work, but she's reminded of the very depth to which his talent and his humanity lie. 

She's beginning to have a hard time catching her breath and by the time the film ends and the opening credits come up, she's not only cried several times, she's once again struck by his bravery and his finesse...that intrinsic ability to be so vulnerable. 

Once, when they were in her trailer on set, she had asked him about the finesse regarding his ability to give all of himself, even in front of strangers. She knew it was partly because of his training; Elizabeth and Susan brought out things you weren't aware you even had. It still scared her,  though, the places she had to go. She wanted to go there, but the depths of how greatly she had to be open was a little terrifying.

Bradley had smiled, shrugging. "I didn't always. I was scared, you know? I could say I "trusted the process " or whatever, but honestly, that would've been bullshit. And that's why I drank...all of those insecurities that made me question everything. I got older and I got sober and I didn't have that shield up anymore. There was no reason to.  It's still hard. But you also have to put trust in your scene partners. You don't have shit if that's missing." He brushed the back of his hand against hers. "And the way all of you trusted me...we couldn't do this if you hadn't. You, especially."

"We trusted you from minute one. I speak for everybody on this entire set, too. That's why I can go to those places at all."

He shook his head. "Oh, I don't think that's entirely true. You've been putting yourself out there for years, every time you sang. I don't know how you do it. Never been so scared in my life as I was when I had to get up in sing in front of people. If that's not baring your soul, then I don't know what is."

"Ah, well," she gave a half smile, "that's exactly why Gaga is the one out there, in front of everyone. Stefani, too, I guess, but that's why I invented her in the first place, you know...to deal with some of the shit that Stefani couldn't."

"Just for the record, I think you're giving this everything. That's pretty fucking fearless, if you ask me."

She doesn't feel very fearless now, in fact, she's trembling, her knees knocking even though she's still sitting.

Only the applause ringing through the space jars her enough to stand and she joins in. Bradley stands up, flushing happily as he and Rooney take their places up front for the talkback. 

There are words being said and she tries hard to concentrate on them, unlike herself at all. She finds other actor's processes fascinating and if her mind hadn't been turned inside out, she would've loved to fully immerse herself in what they were saying. 

But her eyes are glued on Bradley. He seems so happy and at  very much at ease, his enthusiasm over talking about the film bubbling over as total exuberance. She knows how much he loves what he does and it never gets old, watching the way his face goes all soft, his eyes twinkling. 

She zones again and the next time she blinks, he's sitting next to her, resting a elbow on the back of her chair.

"Hey," he says, "you up to saying hi to some people?"

She stills feels vaguely drugged, but what's odd, is that instead of a strange in between state she assumes she'd be in, every neuron is on high alert. 

Awake. 

She's really fucking awake.

It's not until later, after she got to chat with the other attendees, some of whom she already knew, some of who she was meeting for the first time, that she realizes she hadn't even told him what she thought of the film. He wasn't one to ask, either, but the thrill of being by his side again surpasses any kind of rational thought.