The One - you may not see it well

Aura

I always known that something weird grows with me.
I was three or maybe two when I heard sounds and voices out of the context but didn't realize cause to me it was normal.
I have a fire inside locked by ice. I feel it burning but have to keep it down.
As a kid at school with family and friends I hide my special part - being afraid of what I feel.
I see through people, I feel the real essence and it is awful cause the evil part is the one I usually feel the most. It's painful!
I can't trust anybody due to this, cause everyone has an evil side.
It's like an aura, for someone is huge and terrifying- other ones have just a light layer. In any case is always present.
Since I was I child I had this thing, and more came during the years making me feel insecure and guilty for something I didn't choose.
My biggest question is 'why?' + 'Am I the only one?'
I hide myself in my hoodie till now- but I'm 24 now this should change!
Maybe I'm a sort of Pokémon trying to evolve.
Yes this is a good description of my current status.

I still live with my family cause it's a need of mine to feel protect and to protect them somehow.
My family actually is my mother and two little sisters. We are four in one. It's hard sometimes but it has been harder in the past soon after my father left us and chose the 'other' family he made.
Shit happens! He ruined my mother's life and mine for sure, but we tried hardly to make my sisters live safe and happy even if without a father. They use to call my mom 'popsma' and me 'popsbro' , just a word trick to mix our double role. Cool!

I am a freelance copywriter officially and a freelance dreamer unofficially.

It's not always dark in my mind, it's not always no and I have so much love to give and I want to be a good person. Even though I can see evil.

- * -

By growing it's always as an hunting game with so many levels to pass.
Managing the effects of my intuition is the most considerate behavior I have to keep.
It' s like reading a story in a book that his writer hasn't written yet.
I remember at school that a some of my classmates had the most bright and innocent eyes and their aura quite the opposite.
Finding friends is not possible.
I see the aura in children and it would be helpful to prevent serial killer, but what if the evil aura would never develop?

I thought I could donate my brain to science, or my heart or eyes.
Looking at the mirror deep in my eyes there's a sort of sign. It's something special, a sparkling detail that change color as my emotions or state of mind.
So anyone can read me too actually!
My mom and sisters can see it well other people maybe not.

When somebody tells me 'hey you have something red or golden or green or bluish in your eyes!' I immediately look down faking a lamp reflection or sunlight spot.
What is worse is the shivering I feel when a strong evil aura comes it makes me feel extremely bad, a mixture of puking and sadness.

I catalogue all the emotions on a secret file, in case one day the Avangers need me (lol).
I know Marvel is not real but I am and there's no Stark Co. for me, no mentor to lead me.

So being almost alone I overthink without having answers nor solutions.
Any relationship is hard, I never fell in love, mostly avoid it, cause I can't think about this aspect- like monks.
You can easily be unseen, a nerd nobody wants to talk to.
Also my teachers talking to my mom underlined each time that I result too shy and difficult to relate to. Ok imagine to avoid eyes contact, looking the floor constantly not to feel frightened or overwhelmed by people.

I sincerely thought I could have made money somehow with this thing one day, but how.

Time goes by and here I am now. Something has to change soon.