Finding the Light

The earliest memory that she can ever recall is of a windowless, pitch dark room. Some people think that they know what true darkness is like. They can tell you of how they've been to places where they couldn't see their hands in front of their face, of starless nights where they could have fallen into the light-less sky and not have noticed the difference. But this room was different from that. This place was made to never see the light, not the light of a torch nor a candle, and certainly not the light of day. Even the rats stayed away from this room.

Despite the absolute darkness she could see her surroundings, if only just, after all she was used to this place and it's special brand of darkness. The walls are made of a cold gray stone that provide no warmth and a dusty dirt floor which provided no comfort. The only living thing in that room was a small   girl, dressed in the thinnest of rags for a dress. Around her ankle is a thick shackle that ties her to the far wall, its chain is long enough she can go anywhere in the room except reach the far door. She's a tiny, dirty little child without a name. At least one she knows about.

Her only source of comfort in that place is a thin blanket, with which she was put in that place, but she doesn't know that. Her days consisted of sleeping and waiting for food to arrive through a flap that was situated at the bottom of the door. She would lay for hours at the end of her chain, laying on her stomach to be close enough to both grab her food when it came, and to see. In the seconds it took for the wooden flap to open and push some meager food through she could see something other then the blank walls and empty room around her. She could see a different wall, some times even a foot clad in leather but most importantly she could see the light for those fleeting moments.

The other side of the door always had a flickering yellow light that burned her sensitive eyes, but she wouldn't blink or look away until the flap closed again. With the opening of the flap came different air, if only a small breath of it. It was some how fresher, but she had no words to describe it, she only knew it felt good. She lived for the moments flap would open. But it always closed to soon, leaving her with a small tray of bland bread, water and the occasional slice of cheese or meat. She had to eat it quickly and place it back under the flap before the flap would open again. Every time that little door opened and closed it would leave her feeling more and more empty inside, but she didn't know why.

An empty basin for 'waste' was pushed through daily and on rare occasions a basin full of water. She realized that water felt refreshing to her skin, so she would use this extra bit to clean herself of the dust she got from sleeping on a dirt floor.

Sometimes she could hear voices on the other side of the door, her ears which were used to silence could hear them, but not understand them. The voices were always gruff, sometimes bored, but usually silent, so when they did speak she would lay close to the door and listen. The voices would change from time to time, and she eventually became so familiar with their voices she could tell which voice was outside her door from a single yawn. Eventually she tried to speak some of the words herself, whispering them to herself in her small broken voice she never used before. She still didn't understand them, she was merely repeating the most common phrases they would say, like a parrot would speak for a treat.

"Another day of guarding the monster's door?"

"Stupid monster should just die already."

These were the phrases she would speak, and monster was her first word. Years passes like this, her days only marked by her growing body, sleep and the opening and closing of the little food door. She discovered she liked to exercise, and would make a game out of hopping from dirt drawn circle to circle. She liked the way it made her tiny heart pump fast enough to hear and her breath come more easily to her lungs. So with nothing to do she would often play like this for hours until she was tired.