Coast to Coast

coast to Coast part 4

I woke up slowly, suddenly feeling my body come alive with aches. I kept my eyes shut as I slowly became conscious. I could feel itchy fabric pressing into my cheek and hear the gentle hum of the tires. I rolled over and opened my eyes. I could see the back of Tristan’s curly head, the curve of his right shoulder and the right angle of his arm grasping the steering wheel. His whole profile was silhouetted by the grapefruit pink sunset that was spread out in the windshield in front of us. The lush forests of Tahoe were long behind us; now worn brown desert mountains filled the view for miles around. All the sand and rock was washed in a warm golden light that was like the light that was left after a perfect day at the beach when everything is warm and sleepy. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes. I was afraid that I was dreaming and if I thought about it too hard all the beauty around me would evaporate and I would wake up back in my bed in suburbia.

“Where are we?” I asked sleepily.

I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed that Tristan jumped when I spoke. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.

“We’re Just east of Reno, We got on 80 right after you fell asleep.”

 High way 80 had been a dream of Tristan and mine for a long time. It started in Sacramento and went all the way across the country out to the tip of New York in Coram. I couldn’t help but be sad that I had missed the beginning of it. I guess that’s what I get for getting angry for no reason.

 “I’m about to stop for the night.”  He said fiddling with the stereo.

“What? Why are we stopping? We’ve only been driving for like four hours.” I said climbing clumsily into the front seat. I landed in a tangle of arms and legs narrowly missing kicking Tristan in the face.

“Well if someone hadn’t taken an extra hour packing, and thirty minutes saying goodbye to their mom we may have been able to leave home before 1:30. Yes we may have only been driving for four hours but we’ve been on the road for like six because you had to pee somewhere around 17 times.” He snapped, glowering at me.

I righted myself in the seat and snapped on my seat belt. I began to press the seek button on the radio station by passing the drowning country stations and cheesy disco music.

“Well you know what I’m not gonna see my mom for four months and unlike you I actually happen to like other people and create and maintain valuable relationships with them so while it may be perfectly easy for you to pull up roots and move 3,000 miles away without blinking I actually prefer to have a bit of closure. It’s just healthier.”

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him roll his pale blue eyes towards the ceiling. I flipped pas a few more stations that were nothing but static and found myself back at the country station I had started on, someone was yodeling at this point. I jabbed the button to switch his stereo over to CD mode and sat back in my seat.

I smiled as I heard Explosions in the Sky filter through the stereo and fill the tense air with soft instrumental music. It was the perfect desert music. The soft melodies drew me into my head and I could truly take in all the beauty around me. The stars had just begun to show on the horizon and the grapefruit pink was turning into wisteria. The world was calm and cool, like dipping your toes into a swimming pool after the heat of the day had passed.

By the time Tristan pulled off the high way in Fernley and rolled into the Comfort Suites parking lot night had officially fallen. The stars were bright pin pricks above us and the moon was huge and bare over the hotel. I unfolded my stiff legs and climbed out of the car. I wasn’t prepared for the gust of cold air that hit me. I squealed and ran through the automatic door at the front of the hotel. Tristan came traipsing in slowly behind me lugging both of our bags.

“No don’t worry about it Riley I’m fine. I can totally handle carrying your 400 pound duffle bag.” He said tossing it at my feet.

I frowned down at my over-stuffed vintage army duffle and nudged it with my toe. I knew he wasn’t being serious but I suddenly felt really bad. I was being a huge jerk to Tristan even though he was being nice and carting me all the way to Philadelphia. I could suddenly feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I bit my tongue in a thin attempt to hold them back but once on fat glassy tear rolled down my cheek that was it. I began to sniffle and shift my feet as the tears collected on my eye lashes and warped my vision.

“Uh oh.” Tristan said dropping his bag. “Please don’t cry. Please please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please stop.”

He had his arms outstretched towards me in a stop gesture but also looked like he was thinking about hugging me. He settled for patting me lightly on the back and then retreating. This gesture and his pleas for me to stop crying only made it worse. One hiccup-y sounding sob escaped from my mouth and I flung myself into his chest and snaked my arms loosely around his neck.

“I’m so sorry” I wailed as my tears began to dampen the soft fabric of his T-shirt.

I took a deep jagged breath and his familiar smelled filled my lungs: tobacco, detergent, and something clean and masculine but soft like wood smoke. With the smell came a wave of memories and emotion and before I could stop myself I was weeping uncontrollably in his arms. He stood completely still at first just letting me lean into his chest and then his arms came stiffly around me in a robotic sort of way. I could feel him standing pin straight and shifting nervously.

I took a few gulping breaths and continues to wail.

            “I’m such a jerk. You’re driving me all the way across the country and I get mad at you cause you’re trying to buy me lunch. I….I…I just I didn’t want your charity. I can take care of myself you know.” I said stepping back and wiping my eyes. I went back to starting at my feet. “You’ve always tried to give me stuff, to buy me stuff, to pay for stuff. I always knew it was cause you felt bad for me, cause my mom doesn’t have money.”

            He sighed and ran a hand through his thick curls I could see his jaws clench and he let out a sigh between gritted teeth. He leaned in close so he could whisper in my ear.

            “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I did those things out of love and not pity?” He pulled back ever so slightly and caught my eyes. He held my gaze for a long moment and then reached up and gently touched my cheek. I felt my breath catch in my throat as he began to lean in close again. My brain kicked into warp speed. Was this seriously happening? Was Tristan really about the kiss me. My stomach was tied up a pair of headphones that had been living at the bottom of my purse. Just when I thought my brain was going to explode Tristan stopped advancing he blinked a few times and shook his head slightly, before I could say a word he blew past me and busied himself talking to the desk clerk.

            I quickly realized that I had been holding my breath. I slowly let it out and tried not to think about everything that had just gone on so I wouldn’t die of embarrassment or kill Tristan. I leaned over and scooped up my bag. It’s amazing how something as arbitrary as a duffle could leave me wondering if Tristan and I could pick things up where they left off.