This is NOT my Rodrick (Rodrick fanfiction/Rodrick x Reader?)

Explöded Diper

This is based off of the album on spotify- this chapter corresponds with the first song in the album. You can find the first song here: https://open.spotify.com/track/0Y6Rf0GYgOBKiT8s07Bits?si=34cc17988e18445b&nd=1

"WE ARE LÖDED DIPER!" A voice yells from across the street. I look up from my desk facing the window and groan. It's Rodrick and his band, the "loaded diaper," even though they insist on spelling it archaically. They're just being edgy for the sake of it, which I find annoying. Rodrick's friend, Bill Walter, sings the lyrics and plays guitar. He has a horrible singing voice, but I guess there is a market for it, because right now they're rehearsing for a booking they got at the boardwalk. I write for the highschool newspaper, and I have to create a piece for the band because they're "successful members of our community," but I think it's just because nothing interesting happens at our school, ever. All I know about them is that they have an echo machine, because they spent a whole afternoon making fart jokes into the microphone at full volume last week. I chuckle and scribble it down in my journal so I can add it to my report later. I suppose I should go and interview them, that's what a real journalist would do. I gather my papers and stick a pencil in the front pocket of my bomber jacket, before walking to my bedroom door and placing my palm on the handle.

                                                                                              ~ ~ ~

I walk up the Heffley driveway and see Rodrick chatting with Bill about their practice session in the garage. You'd think they'd close the door, but apparently they need the whole neighborhood to hear them. I guess it is June, maybe they needed some air.

"I'm telling you, that kid- Oh, hey. What's up?" Rodrick says, spotting me at last.

"I'm supposed to interview you for the school paper." I grumble.

"Woah, am I that important? Cool, guess I can tell you stuff about me." Rodrick laughs.

"I'm not here to interview you, imbecile." I snap. "I'm here to interview the whole band."

"Hey, sharp words there, dude. I can't keep up with you if you're going to spout the dictionary."

I glare at him and turn to Bill. "So, how did you decide to form the band? It's quite impressive, you have so many shows this summer."

"Oh... Well, actually, I didn't form the band. My guy Rodrick did, he's the real deal." Bill mutters under his breath. Wow, for such a big guy, he was pretty shy. I groan and turn to Rodrick again, who is smirking now.

"Disappointed, sweetcakes?" He jeers.

"Don't call me that. I am an unbiased party whose job it is to report the facts." I spit back. Really, I was annoyed. I didn't want to be near Rodrick, he seems like a mean and nasty person.

Rodrick grins. "You don't seem very unbiased, sweetheart. Sounds to me like you're angry you have to report on some lowlife band that you find inferior to yourself. Inbe-kile."

I snicker. "It's 'imbecile'. It was a good try, though. Maybe next time you'll get it. I hear if you sleep with a dictionary under your pillow you learn new words."

Rodrick scowls. "I've heard that one before, it doesn't work."

"Really? It's always worked for me, maybe you actually need a brain to absorb knowledge."

Rodrick runs towards me and shoves me against the wall by my shoulders. I calmly grab my journal and scribble down "aggressive and..." I glance at Rodrick who still looks pissed but is confused by my journal. I quickly start to write down "hot-headed" and Rodrick grabs the journal out of my hands before I can stop him.

"What is this, a diary?"

"No, it's my journal for-"

"Yeah, right, that's what Greg says about his diary."

Rodrick looks down at the page and I see his mouth form the words "attractive" and "hot". He looks up at me and glares.

"Is this some kind of joke? Who the fuck do you think I am? I have a boyfriend!" He throws the journal back at my feet and then stares at me, horrified.

"It says "aggressive and hot-headed" you shithead! I need this report, can you just tell me something about your band?" I stoop down and pick up my journal, not really registering the last sentence Rodrick had said.

"Great! Now you have some hot news to share with the assholes at school!"

The door into the house slams shut and I can see Rodrick storming down the hallway. Bill glances at me apologetically and follows Rodrick. I stare at the remaining members, Ben and Chris, dumbfounded.

"Um- do ya still want that interview?" Ben says cautiously.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have insulted Rodrick. Why did he run off? I took him as a more confrontational type."

Ben and Chris glanced at each other nervously.

"Did- Did you not hear what Rodrick said? He kinda..." Chris trailed off.

I thought for a moment, then remembered. "I have a boyfriend."

"Oh, yeah. What, does he think I care who he's dating?"

"Well, you write for the school newspaper, so." Ben says.

"I won't say anything about it. I never report on relationships anyway, they're too unstable in highschool most of the time."

"I dunno," Chris laughs, "Rodrick is pretty committed."

"Bill, on the other hand..." Ben says darkly.

"Babe!" Chris slaps Ben on the arm gently.

I sigh wearily. God, if this whole interview is going to be couple drama, I want out of here. I sit on the concrete floor and open my journal again. I start asking questions and learn about where the band is performing, I get to listen to some of their songs on Ben's phone, and I get a general personality read on all four members. I stand up and thank Ben and Chris, the latter of which is sitting in Ben's lap and braiding his long hair.

"Aw, going so soon? You haven't even seen Ben's awesome headbanging yet, it looks really epic when it's in braids."

"Um... That's not the same thing as 'giving head,' right? 'Cus I am not staying around for that."

Ben choked on his own spit and started laughing, Chris turned red and hid his face in his hands.

"No, it's different" Ben wheezed.

At that moment, Bill walked in, eyes red and puffy.

"I told him." He croaked.

"No, you didn't! Bill!" Chris said, aghast.

Ben shrugged and simply said "I told you that you shouldn't have done it. Was it worth it, Bill? I assume he dumped your sorry ass. He won't let you back into the band. Now we need a new vocalist and a new bass player."

"Y-yeah. You're gonna have to find a new person to sing that cover of "Baby"

AN: That's the end of chapter 1! Thank you so much for reading! The first chapter is kinda short, I'm working on another one as I am writing this note to you guys! There will be ten chapters, one for each song in the album on Spotify!