Words Not Spoken

Same Old Same Old

Chapter 1
The Same Old Same Old

For Dean Winchester time seems to go by every so slowly as if he was in one long never ending dream of sorts. If this is what it's like being a zombie then Dean as he is right now would want someone to put him out of his misery. One day leads to another and another. Loneliness without him. He can't even bring himself to say his name. It's just been too much. Sam tries his best but Dean's rage seems to explode at his younger brother. He doesn't mean to and he realizes Sam cares. What hurts the most is Sam has Eileen.  Sam is finally happy. He doesn't want to fight.

When the weather is nice he takes Miracle outside for some fresh air. It helps a little bit but then he is reminded that he is alone. Castiel used to accompany him. They were almost inseparable. Tears always filling his eyes. Now that they don't have anymore cases and not much in the way of hunting anymore. At night when it gets too much for him Dean finds himself in Cas' room. This makes him feel closer to the angel. Cas's words soothing yet they echo in his ears. His heart still in pieces.

He couldn't even bring himself to say the three little words back to Cas. Even now he can still see Cas' face his smiling face as he expressed his feelings towards the older Winchester. Dean was in shock then of course. When he was ready to say those words back to Cas the angel was taken. All that was left was a handprint on Dean's jacket on his left shoulder.

Dean grabbed a six pack of beer and jumped into the drivers seat of the Impala as it hummed to life. Turning on the radio finding the music soothing as he began to drive. Drive where? It didn't matter. Finding a park he stops and getting out of the car. He grabs the six pack of beer. Finding an empty park bench he sits down placing the beer at his feet. The empty space saved for what would have been Cas.

Now that Jack is the new God yet is hands off. Dean is sure the kid who he helped raise alongside Castiel knows the tragic events that unfolded what seemed eons ago. Dean knew that Jack looked up to the older Winchester and wanted to be like him. He never thought that he'd be good at being any type of parent or even a role model but with Jack it was easy almost natural. Dean reached down grabbing a beer bottle before opening it and taking his first drink. He found alcohol helped the pain even only temporary.

He had purposely put his phone on mute. He didn't want any calls from anyone Sam, Eileen, Jody, Claire, anyone. Yet he would listen to his voice mail that Cas left him. His voice soothing the ache inside his chest. Closing his eyes letting the tears fall down his face. "if only I had a second chance to tell him how I feel. Why didn't you tell me before then?" His voice cracked as he spoke. Of course no one answering him back. Yet a breeze began to blow. Not a cold breeze either. Almost warm in a strange sort of way like a blanket covering him. It almost settled around him yet no where else.

Finishing one bottle of beer before picking up a second one. Left alone with his thoughts and feelings. Dean was not one to express how he felt let alone to anyone. Yet Cas was the one who saw Dean deep down who he really is. Not the way Dean saw himself. And those words that Cas said to Dean ran through his mind over and over again.