I never thought that pain really change someone. I saw how people shift from despising her to adoring her. I hate how everyone looks at her as if she's the most precious thing in their life. Then there's the little princess, smiling. I wonder how fake it is.
Mother handed her something. She smiled at her warmly and before she open the gift, she hugged her first. I though she hates how other people's skins stick into hers. She's so two faced. I rolled my eyes at her. Why does everyone love her? There's no special thing about her. I don't understand.
Why do they always compare us to each other? We're so different. I watched her as she opened her gift. It was the doll I've been wanting for a long time. I know I supposed to hate her but I felt a spark of joy in my heart. That's the one thing we have in common. We love Elsa. We love Olaf. I remember how we used to pray just to have the gift she's clinging on now. I may hate her but I am happy that she received that gift.
After opening her gifts, her vusitors started to leave. The sky was turning dark and the sun was almost down. I am still in the same place. I stayed still and took my time to watch her. Like how she used to. I hope that she can see me like how I can see her.
She sat at her bed. The room was pink. Like how we wanted it to be. It was full of cute things we both love. We have a softness for cute things. Moments after, I saw how she tries to stop hher tears from falling. I watched her shed a tear and later on tear herself up.
I hate you. I wish I can tell her that. I wish I can show her. Wreck her. Like how she did on me.
But watching her cry this hard. Made it hard for me too. We used to be happier. We used to be the cheerful sunshine that made wanted to make everyone happy. Everyone hates us. Or they only hates me.
She killed me. She killed the happy person she used to be. She tries to be me most of the time. She tries to use my smile to deceive everyone that she's happy.
I remember everyone telling me, " Be mature. " or " grow up " . Everyone has been killing me and all I need is her to tell me, " Don't force yourself to grow. Adulthood was not always easy like how they told you. " But she's not there to say that.
She looked at the doll she received and I didn't expect her to look at me. She's surprised.
" 30 seconds left " someone reminded me. And while she's still looking at me, instead of mouthing the word, " I hate you " or rolling my eyes or raising my middle finger on her like what I planned to. I mouthed, " be happy. Genuinely. " I hope she can. So we can exist at the same time.
She killed me. She killed her own happy self just to satisfy everyone who force her to grow up. To be mature.
But dear present self, satisfying someone will never satisfy you.
