Okay, listen here.
I am NOT an emotional person. Some people think I'm insensitive, cold, or careless.
I like to hide my emotions. Usually, if someone says something that hurts me, I just laugh it off then think about it later. Or ignore it. Afterward, I just think 'I don't care, I don't give a shit.'
When really, I do. And I hate emotions because I hate how easily I lose control.
Imagine getting emotional breakdowns and not knowing I was having them- Yeah, that's me.
I joke about things that shouldn't be joked about. It's how I cope. People always say 'You shouldn't be joking about that'. Then I reply 'I don't give a shit' or something like that. Or I say 'I'm just joking haha'.
I just don't give a fuck anymore. I used to care, but nah. Fuck it.
Online, I seem bubbly and happy. I guess it's my real personality. I don't even know. Am I fake? Or am I not? Do I know who I am? Who am I? I have no idea, and it drives me crazy.
Just a wee bit crazy. <3
Ugh, I hate myself. But that's okay.
OH AND ANOTHER THING. 4 DIFFERENT PEOPLE LIKE ME?! HOW THE FUCK-
WHY?! I DON'T GET IT. I'M A HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING PERSON. I DO NOT COMPREHEND. YA'LL DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT THE FUCK I AM.
Flirting? Yeah, I do that a lot. I guess I'm a flirty person? I dunno. I have never dated someone before.
Oh wait, that's a fucking lie. I have an ex, but at the moment she hates me so yeah I can understand why. I am a terrible human being. Ugh. I hate being human. It just... I despise it. I just...
I hate being vulnerable. Emotionally, mentally, physically, even sexually- (SHHHHHHHHHH YOU BAKA >:( ) I just don't like showing my weakness. I feel like people might actually get the chinks in my so-called "armor". I don't want to get hurt. That's probably why I come off emotionless or something. Even when I hurt myself physically, I'll brush it off like 'Yeah, I'm good, no worries.' Mentally? I act as nothing happened at all.
Yeah. It's fucking weird.
God, I keep cursing. Sorry Lord Almighty Jesus Christ Lord and Savior-
Haha..
I also hate pity and sympathy so just don't, okay? It's a miracle I'm actually talking about my emotions. I like to hide it. Well, like isn't the word. I tend to? Who knows, not me.
*loud ass sigh*
It's called being human, right? Living? Maybe I'm just being overdramatic like my parents say. But I just wish people would take how I feel seriously. Sure, I'm just a "kid" but c'mon.
I like being alone. It's easier. I guess I'm a bit socially awkward. I don't know how to interact with others. I prefer it that way. If I'm alone, no one will get hurt and I won't get hurt. Simple as that.
Alright, I'll shut up. Love you guys. Just know you are all special and someone out there loves and cares about you. You can't make everyone like you, so don't stress it. Life can be difficult, but that's how it is. How you deal with it is what counts. If you ever need someone to talk to... I'm here. Don't feel like 'Oh, I don't want to burden you' blah blah blah.
Bullshit.
You heard me. BS.
Just talk to me.
Wow, I tell other people that but don't do it myself wow-
I'm just stupid. Yup.
Ugh, I'm so depressing haha. :')
Have a magical day. Ew. Gross.
Just have a nice day. Just know someone out there is thinking about you. Positively.
With all the love that I can muster (if I have any lmao- I'M JOKING PLEASE-),
AdmiN.
