Confusion- S.R/D.M/Y/N

Chapter 2

All I hear as I wake up to is my alarm set up as the song cpr by cupcake going off. Yeah its odd and the lyrics aren't so appropriate, but the beat is so groovy. Waking up to music, or even having music in my life better or worsens my mood, depending on what Im listening to.

I read the time saying 7:30. I exaclty have an hour and thirty minutes to get read for work that started at 9:00. Others would say, thats way too much time. But I am just like my mother in the sense, that I am always running late, even when I have all the time in the world.

I quickly get in the shower. I start to say outloud what I want. "I want today to be a good day." "I will focus" " I am going to be great."

 While others may pray or right things down, I try to use the law of attraction in hopes that my affirmations are fufilled throughout my days. 

Once I finished getting all washuped. I quickly step out my bathroomtub. It took all the power in me, not to sit in the shower this morning. Growing up, we always had a tub, and thats what I used to do. Wether it was playing barbies or just thinking, it was my calm place. Another thing I shared with my mom.

Thankfully Melissa and I had seperate bathrooms to avoid issues. I dry up my face and start to brush my teeth. After a minute or two when I was done, I quickly tied my hair into the slick back pony tail for the day, leaving out two strands of hair out in the front. I quickly got dressed in my work pants. They reminded me of my moms. She always wore black work pants when she had to go and do what she loved. I missed her so much. Thinking back to our past, I wish I was a better kid for her. I still to this day want to make her proud. But enough of this, I need to stay focus on positive things like the present, and this new job that I was going into.

Once I finished getting ready, I put on mascara, a tiny wing of eyeliner on each of the ends of my eyes. Something Ive always done. Along with wearing a tiny bit of highlighter on my nose, and in the innercorners of my eyes. I was going for a natural look. I never liked how I looked with pounds of makeup on me. Other girls yes. But me....no.

I look at the time reading 8:45. Man how time fly's. I then grabbed a granola bar and headed out to my car. I quickly put my go bag in that I had packed the day before. I was told that it was needed for the cases ill have to do out of town.

After a good 25 minutes I finally arrived. Looking up at the building as I stepped out of the car made my excitment turn into fear. The fear that this wont go well. How I might fail. 

Good thoughts only, I have to keep reminding myself. Over and over again. 

 God I'm pathetic. 

As I get to the front desk I see an older man. He looks at me up and down. I was already uncomfortable. I tired to be as nice as I could, it being my first day, and because I am a women of color and people are very sensitive these days when it comes to words.

"Hi, could you tell me what floor the behaviour analyze unit is?" I said with a smile 

" For a smoking lady like you of course." The old man says

Smoking? I thought. Who the heck says that? 

"Floor 9"

I nod in a appreciation and make my way to the elevator. As the doors are about to close, a man puts his hand in the middle. I look up to see a fimilar but new face. 

It couldn't be I thought.

No-

"Y/n?" He says with a confused but yet an embarrased face.

I try with everything in me not to give him attitude and reply.

"Wow Derek, its finally nice to meet you." I said enthusiastically. It was fake Ugh

"If I would of known that you were out here maybe we could of met." He says stupidly

"Derek we tried, more like I tried. But you bailed on me the day of remember?" I try to say in the nicest way possible.

 Now Derek and I had been " Online dating" We treated it like a relationship. The full nine yards. But I was yet to commit because I needed to meet. He never called which was a con. He had many cons. But he still finds a way to my heart...some how...its sad.

"Look y/n, Im sorry about that." He tries to apologize

"Derek you don't have to keep apologizing...its in the past." I say feeling bad on how I came across. My face says it all, even when I try to control my mircoexpressions.

He could tell.

I looked to the floor we had gone to. 'Floor number 9' read at the of the front eleavtor wall that had the door just benath it. My destination. I look back up to say good bye to him. And there he was. We stood there looking into eachothers eyes. My heart started beat out of my chesy. The one and only thing I had ever wanted was to meet him. And here he was. His dark beautiful eyes that I could stare at all day. It broke my heart. The anger and grudges I just felt faded away in that moment. He was still so beautiful. Standing in front of me. Every inch of him that I just imagined. He was perfect. From his big toned arms, to his dark hair. Perfect. I could see the regret in his eyes. The concern.

 But it came to an end. I quickly regained my consious and remember why I was in that elevator. I gave him a nod and walked out of the elevator to my unit. 

I looked back.

There he was.

 Watching me walk away.

 Thats how it should be. 

Thats how we should be.

 Apart.

 At a distance. 

It wasn't the right time. 

I did not need him to leave me in confusion.