winter of orphic love | ot7 poly | ✓

Chapter 9 Garden Growth

"What if you go into a heat with a married wolf? Do you get in trouble?"

I grimaced at my friends and felt my body shrink away from them. "I don't know," I admitted as discomfort turned in my stomach.

We sat in a circle around a tree to bask in the autumn sun. The sun was shining down on us through the fluttering leaves. The grass was already covered with a thick layer of leaves. The treetops were painted with vibrant fall colors and blazed in the daytime like flames.

It has been four months since I became a werewolf. Since becoming a Luna. It felt as if time refused to move on from this moment in my life. This nightmare was never-ending, and it was driving me insane.

I didn't blame my friends for their curiosity, but I wished they wouldn't talk about it.

On one hand, I could hear the jealousy in their voice when they asked about becoming a werewolf. Their parents were wolves, and being born human-caused mixed emotions. Conversely, there was a cost for becoming a wolf and that was becoming a cursed Luna.

I looked up at my two friends, Jamie and Rebecca. We had known each other all our lives. We had grown closer when we didn't transform with the other kids in our class, especially since the human teenagers were moved to another cabin for homeschooling.

The pack's schooling system was run by members of the pack who earned teaching degrees. Wolves who were passionate about learning and teaching others taught the pack's children instead. They couldn't enter the "real world" because it would put everybody at risk.

In a way, the pack was akin to a commune.

"But... what if it happens suddenly?" Becca asked. "Is everybody in the pack fair game or are mates not included?"

"Can you even have a mate anymore?" Jamie questioned and an ache formed in my heart.

I had always dreamed of finding a mate.

The strange void in my chest had grown larger in recent weeks. Since I was disinclined to allow myself to go into a heat, the side-effects had put me through hell. Extreme loneliness was added to the growing list of emotional turmoil I was developing. My body felt as if it wanted to destroy me.

Turbulent emotions were paired with exhaustion, intense cravings for strange food, muscle pain, the sensation of a fever, and fatigue. I doubted I would ever feel okay again. I had almost forgotten what it was like to feel healthy.

I didn't know how long I would last.

I shook my head. "Amber said Lunas and Sols don't have mates. They..." My mouth curled back into a rueful smile, "They belong to the pack."

Becca's eyes widened with sympathy. "Oh. So how does that work?"

"Basically I'm the pack's plaything," I said as seething hate worked its way through me.

"I'm sure that's not what it means..." Jamie attempted to comfort me. "I heard that they are like counselors? My mom said they are the 'heart of the pack', or something."

I frowned and yanked at the grass around me. I began creating a pile of torn grass at my feet. My hands were beginning to stain green from the wet strands. "Yeah, something like that."

"Maybe it won't be so bad," Jamie added hopefully. "You said that you probably won't stay with the pack forever, maybe you'll create your own or join another."

"That's another thing. I don't know if I could go rogue." Fear flashed through my mind. "It's so dangerous to be on my own. I don't even know where to go. I have to stay away from town like everybody else now."