Dorm Room 210 [Rewrite]

Chapter 1

Trigger warning ahead: please know you are not obligated to read any section that flairs your mental health up. Your health comes first.

***

It's getting dark inside my head again.

The claws are grazing against the metal doors, and a piercing sound ringing over the traffic building up near the end of the highway, where vehicles are pulling up to drop new students off.

My luggage handle keeps me stationed as I stare up at the dormitory campus. The clear blue sky is a cover-up of the chaos slumbering behind the gates, masking as the entrance for the new students of the year.

"You ready?"

A gentle callused hand from Aunt Jennifer stirs me from my thoughts.

"For sure," I say, fixing my expression to match one of excitement. "Been ready for months."

She offers me a timid smile. "You sure you want to do this? We can head back to the car and wait for second semester."

"I'll be fine."

Her smile drops. "No, don't do that. You're going to make me think this was a bad idea, and then I'm going to nag you until you're annoyed to get you to admit how you're really feeling."

"How is going to uni a bad idea?"

"Oh, I don't know," she says, flicking a piece of her hair coated in blue paint from last night's quick inspiration behind her ear. "First days are uncomfortable, that's just a given."

I squeeze my phone. "I think once I settle into my dorm it should be easier."

Aunt Jennifer fixes my hair. I stair down at my strands of purple she dyed for me on the weekend.

"Your parents would've been proud of you, Lillian." Her smile is watery. "I'm very proud of you."

I tongue the inside of my cheek and suppress the urge to tell her not to mention them again. I can feel the claws stretching.

"Thanks auntie."

The suitcase is heavier to pull, and the heat tingles at the exposure of my arms. The longer I stand with Aunt Jennifer outside of Prestwick West University among the strangers and their luggage, my own doubts enlarge to a bundle of anxiety-driven questions that make me wonder if she's right. Is this a bad idea?

Before I can get a chance to express them, Aunt Jennifer pulls me in a hug, the faint acrylic paint I recognise as her covering me like a blanket. Her embrace makes me think she doesn't ever want to let me go. A large part of me doesn't want to either.

"You got this," she mutters in my ear, and I think it's just my nerves, but I shrug. "No, you do. Once you get settled in your dorm, call me. Tell me how you feel afterwards. Deal?"

"Okay," I whisper, pulling back first. "I think I'll head to the reception room. The Guides have probably distributed out our dorm keys, and the last thing I want to do is chase them down."

"Okay. I have to head to work in a minute, but I'll have my phone out and ready for when you need me." Aunt Jennifer gave me one last hug and kisses my cheek. "I love you. Have fun, Lilly.

"I love you too, auntie."

It's the push I need in heading towards the glass doors of the reception.

Stepping inside the air-con foyer is a blur of people and murmuring conversations. In golden and stylish font displaying on the receptionist's desk are P, W, and U, radiant against the cool undertones of the furniture and walls. There are no signs of the Guides yet and every couch within the vicinity has been taken, so it doesn't look like I'll be able to sit down. I wait by the corner in the far back near one of the air-cons, absentmindedly scrolling on my phone, feeling like I blend with light grey walls. It brings peace to my mind knowing that I don't stand out.