How Are You?.......

Australia Day!

How are you?.........

How many times have you been asked that in your life? A hundred? A thousand? Whenever I'm asked that question it sparks an automated internal inventory. Like the captain of a space ship that's just taken a hit from a photon torpedo ordering his department chiefs to report.

**how am I?? **

So this is how it usually goes, " How are you?".... Internal dialogue ** How am I? ** Brief internal scan. Internal decision that the proper response would take far too long and the person asking is being polite and only invested in the conversation enough to warrant an answer of 1, possibly 2 sentences. Followed by a second internal decision to discontinue the internal reporting on how I am, and opt for a summerised version that the person asking will accept and will give the proper social outward impression that I am succeeding, happy and confident.

What they're really asking is.

Can you give me a brief summary of your current emotional state baring in mind the unspoken social agreement the answer must not be too negative and not draw me too deeply into an uncomfortably real conversation as I have limited time and am only invested in a fairly superficial way.

OK. I'm being cynical, the above is often true but certainly not always. There are people in my life who ask sincerely and are prepared to invest fully in the resulting conversion. Some are family, some friends, but hopefully all of us have at least one person who cares enough to mean it when they ask.

When I ask someone how they are, and I like them enough to want the truth, I usually ask "How are you?, seriously, how are you?" to emphasise I actually give a fuck about the answer.

So as you asked...

I'm sat on the sofa, it's Australia Day, as my fingers do their dance accross the surface of my phone calling black and white, back-lit pixels to life, my dogs lie next to me snoring gently.
It's 11am, my wife is sat on the floor at her laptop, printing on her cricut. (Look it up.) My daughter Summer is in the computer room most likely also on Wattpad writing gay fan fiction. Mostly fluff but occasionally smut.

I haven't decided what I'll write, I enjoy writing but it has its risks. I do not always have full control of the outcome. My fingers dance and what comes out is a roll of the dice. It's often dark, often emotional, sometimes comical and inane, but always real. Always real... Because writing is very personal, the black and white symbols your eyes are decoding into words are a visually painted landscape of what lives inside. The internal voice that only we hear. There is nothing more personal than that. What your reading is me. Your casually perusing the inside of my mind. Good luck with that xx.

C x

OK I'm back. Its 5:37am Thursday 27th January 2022. I'm sat at my desk at work. I got up at 3.22am so I had time to go out for a 5km run before work. Insane I know. Why? I like feeling fit and healthy even though my body insists on gradually submitting to the ravages of time and deteriorating at an accelerating rate, I also push myself to work long hours as I am driven by a sense of duty to provide for my family. I often push myself harder than is wise.

  If your reading this firstly thank you for your time, I know it's precious, the most precious thing of all in fact. The only true currency in life is time. And it is limited, and finite. Which is why the time we spend with people we care about is so important and so precious. Time at work is a necessary evil. Time exercising is important both for physical and mental health, what little time is left after that and daily routines like washing, household tidying and maintenance, eating and sleeping is the spare change that we actually get a choice how we spend. It's the pocket money of time that we choose how to spend and who to spend it on. It's the minutes that make up the grains of sand of our life passing through the hourglass that are the most important. Imagine a tall glass, put some stones in it. Lots of gaps right? Maybe put in some smaller stones, then smaller still. The stones are work, exercise, and daily routines that fill the glass which is your day. The gaps left in between all the stones are the time we have left, that we fill with friends, books, computer games and loved ones.

Spend it wisely!!

If you wondering what this book/essay/diary is about your not alone. There is a lot I could write about. Half formed opinions and knowledge gathered over decades. From philosophy to psychology, parenting, love, loss, life lessons and half baked wisdom. The truth is I'm writing because I enjoy it. My Daughter who is an angel to me started using wattpad and as I like to be a part of what she enjoys I got the app and thought I'd try it. Words are powerful, there is art in their choice and formulation. Like a recipe or magic spell, words come together and weave threads through our minds like tendrils of smoke to form pictures and tug at emotions. Words can be beautiful, the power of a well formed sentence can bring fear or tears.

I'll be back, I better do some work.