Freeze Your Brain

Chapter 11

(Dipper pov)

I park my bike outside his house. Taking my phone out I look at his text again before putting it in my back pocket. I climb up the tree again. Cimbing on the branch I knock on his window. I see him look up from the book he was reading and he smiles upon seeing me. I don't return the smile. He puts his cigarette out in an ashtray before he comes over and opens his window. I climb into the room as he shuts the window.

"I'm glad you decided to come over finally."

"You wouldn't stop blowing up my phone in the middle of the night. My great uncle was going to throw a bitch fit about the phone bill if you didn't stop. So here I am. Why did you want me to come in through the window?"

"My dad is drinking downstairs and I didn't want you to have to deal with him again."

"He do that often? Drink I mean."

"Yeah I guess so. Especially after he blows stuff up." He picks up a remote turning off the tv he had in his room.

"Does he hit you when he gets drunk?"

"What? No! Of course not, god why would you think that."

"I am just trying to find a reason that would push you to comitting a double murder. And you tricked me into helping you. If I hadn't missed when I fired that gun, I would have killed Kurt."

"You already killed Heather Chandler."

"I didn't mean to! I made a mistake and you know it!"

He tightly puts his hand over my mouth as I weakly try to make him let go. I see his eyes glance at the door before looking at me again. "Shh! You can't go yelling like that. He isn't super drunk yet, so far he's just buzzed." He lets go of me backing away and a smug look crosses his face. "What is that I smell in the air? Tolerance? Inclusion? Love? You know, how often can you say it's a good day to live Gravity Falls, Oregon?" He opens his window and waving outside he yells. " You're welcome, town!" He laughs to himself as he shuts the window again.

"You don't have to be so smug about it, Bill."

" Your love keeps me humble. So who's next, Heather Duke? She started that threeway rumor. I've taken the liberty of underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean."

"No! No, I do not accept this! Three people are dead, that's enough! This ends now."

"Or what?"

"......or I'm breaking up with you...." I see shock and surprise come over him. He thought of everything to make me help him commit murder but he didn't even think I would be willing to break up with him. I doubt it even crossed his mind. I love him despite everything he's done, I don't want to break up with him. But if it makes him stop hurting people then I will do it.

"Look, any war has casualties. It doesn't mean it's not worth fighting! But what? You'd rather go to jail and give a free pass to the thugs who hurt people, evil pricks who make this world so unbearable you can't stand to go on living?"

"This isn't a fucking war!" Something about the last sentence he said strikes me as odd. "Did....Please don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever tried to kill yourself?"

He scoffs slightly. "You seriously have the nerve...."

"When we talked in the 7/11 I saw the scars on your wrist. I saw them again when I came here for the first time."

"No. I haven't. In case you forgot, I would give myself a brain freeze so I wouldn't have to. Those scars are so I could feel something different for once in my fucking life."

"You would give yourself a brain freeze as a way to escape reality but it's also a way for you to punish yourself for something."

"What are you getting at?"

".....Bill, how did your mom die?"

He gives me a look that is full of anger and sadness and pain. "You really want to know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"My dad said it was an accident but she knew what she was doing. She walked into that building 2 minutes before dad blew it up. She waved at me out the window and then KABOOM... She left me."

"You said the last time you saw her, she was waving to you from a library in Texas..."

"Yeah. No one used the library anymore. I was just playing nearby when I saw her go into it and wave at me. Then.....nothing....f-fucking nothing...." I can tell his whole body is trembling and shaking.

" I'm really sorry-"

"Don't be. The pain gives me clarity. We have a lot of work to do."

"What work?"

"Making this world a decent place for people who are decent."

"When does it fucking end?"

"WHEN EVERY ASSHOLE IS DEAD!"

I shove him back, tears slowly running down my face as I try to think of something that will finally get through to him.

"Fine!
We're "damaged"
Really "damaged"
But that does not make us "wise"
We're not "special", we're not "different"
We don't choose who lives or dies
Let's be normal, see bad movies
Sneak a beer and watch TV
We'll bake brownies or go bowling
Don't you want a life with me?
Can't we be seventeen?
That's all I want to do
If you could let me in
I could be good with you
People hurt us

Or they vanish

And you're right, it really blows
But we let go..

Take a deep breath

Then go buy some summer clothes
We'll go camping.." I slowly come over to his hand, gently holding his hand as I see a spark slowly shining in his eyes again

"Play some poker

And we'll eat some chili fries
Maybe prom night

Maybe dancing

Don't stop looking in my eyes

Your eyes

Can't we be seventeen
Is that so hard to do?
If you could let me in
I could be good with you
Let us be seventeen
If we've still got the right

So what's it gonna be?
I wanna be with you

I wanna be with you

Wanna be with you

Tonight

Yeah we're damaged

Badly damaged

But your love is too good to lose

Hold me tighter" He pulls me close as I cling to him. I feel his hands clenching my jacket and my own hands clench onto his trench coat.

"Even closer

I'll stay if I'm what you choose

Can't we be seventeen

If I am what you choose

Do we still have the right

Because you're the one I choose

You're the one I choose

You're the one I choose" His lips softly connect with mine and I hold his cheek in my hand as I kiss him back.

He softly breaks from the kiss and rest his forehead on mine. "....okay....I promise that no one else will be hurt." He says before our lips gently reconnect.