SENSE OF YOUR JOURNALS

Make Sense

   
    LiCu wrinkled his nose as a dew dust flew to his face,

Seriously WuShanju needs a lot of dusting

   He's currently in the library looking for some useful materials for a term paper in History Class

    WuXie and the others just got back from their mini escapade with Ershu in a remote village , that's what WuXie told him and though LiCu doesn't buy half of WuXie's explanation he knows WuXie enough to not push

     LiCu sat on the desk, his notebook open to jot down the infos he needs, as he went through the couple of books he placed on the desk, he didn't notice the odd way they were stacked up until the books toppled to the floor

   He cursed huffing as he picked up the books , looking through some of the pages as some of the books fell open, one caught his attention…

   It's a journal and he's pretty sure he saw his name written on the top corner, he picked up  the journal  skimming through the open page realizing whose handwriting it was…

   It's WuXie's journal…

The man really writes so much these days, LiCu remember visiting before WuXie decided to go on that mission and the man was stuck in the library all day writing

Why do you write like you're running out of time?
Write day and night like you're running out of time?

   It feels kind of rude to look at someone's journal without permission but seeing hus name on the top corner of the page urges him to read

 
LiCu,
 
        Kid, if you're reading this means I never got back alive or I have succumed to my illness…

Illness?

LiCu didn't get to to finish reading the whole page skimming through the other ones and all the pages are for addressed to him

How do you write like tomorrow won't arrive?

   LiCu shook his head as he turned page by page …

What the hell?

How do you write like you need it to survive?

As he turned to the next page a single folded paper flew to the floor…

LiCu took it and what he discovered made hia world stopped

Cancer…

Stage 4…

  He felt his head spin reading the date,It's been months, a lump formed in his throat

Does Lao Zhang know?

Does Pang-Ye know?

Was WuXie keeping all of this and everyone except him knows?

Or Does everyone know except him? ..

  He stared at the journal and at the paper trying to suck what he just discovered… he didn't even notice the tears running down his cheeks and his eyes reddening

   The library door opened and WuXie entered with a smile which suddenly fell as LiCu looked at him,  eyes red rimmed and wide, the journal on his hand and the paper too…

"You've …" WuXie can't find the words to continue

"Did they know?" LiCu asked voice cracking

"YaLi that's .."

"Does everyone know? Just answer me WuXie"

"They know"

"Except me?"

"T-they only knew before we went home .."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

  Before WuXie can answer, his chest tigntened followed by coughing fits and every cough laced with pain wracking his chest

"WuXie!.." LiCu dropped the journal worry spikes in him as he went towards WuXie who in his stubbornness stretched out a hand stopping LiCu

  Yet the coughing and pain became unbearable that blood spilled from his lips and his knees went weak

   LiCu immediately held him before calling for help…

--------------------------

    WuXie winced a bit as Huo Dafu jammed a needle in his vein, he can feel the sting of the medicine

   As Huo Da Fu does everything in his knowledge to keep him atleast alive he looked the doorway where LiCu just stands, WuXie can clearly see the fear through his hazed eyes

   Fear, Confusion, Worry and Anger flashed in LiCu's eyes all at once, WuXie felt the medicine took effect and before he falls asleep he saw PangZi and XiaoGe pull LiCu away from his spot by the doorway

--------------------

     WuXie woke up with a parched feeling in his throat, he groaned as he sat up then there's a hand on his shoulder and a huge pillow slipped behind him to support his back as he sat up, then a glass of water was offered to him which WuXie drank until the glass was empty

"How are you feeling?" LiCu asked his voice a bit softer than usual that made WuXie's heart sink to his stomach

"I'm fine now, just a bit dizzy" he answered truthfully this time

"Alright, I'll check at Lao Zhang and Pang-Ye if the soup's done"  the boy said

The sinking feeling in his stomach grew and before LiCu can even go WuXie had caught his wrist

"YaLi, let's talk" he gave him a gaze that leave no room for arguments

LiCu bit his lip as he sat at the foot of the bed

It was silent…

Until…

"How long?.." LiCu asked

"They said 3 to 4 months"  WuXie answered, he didn't miss the way  LiCu's fist crumpled the sheets

"Had I not seen the journal, would you have told me?"

"No…"

"So you plan on just dying like without telling me why I would .. I don't know suddenly inherit what ever was that on the will according to your journal, You'd just drop dead on me? Is that it?" 

The calmness in LiCu's voice sends a shiver in WuXie's spine

"I didn't want to tell you because I don't know how I would… how I would"

"How you would what? Say goodbye? How you would give me heads up that hey,  I would wake up one morning and you'll only be a portrait with incense sticks infront"

"Saying goodbye to you was the most painful thought, and I maybe running away because I can't even face the thought of telling you that I won't be around long enough to …"

WuXie can already hear the choked sobs, the fists curled tightly around the sheets , knuckles already turning white

"But it's even more painful now, didn't you think of that ? It's even more painful that you would rather go without saying goodbye than actually telling me…"

WuXie knows that, did he? Of course he did, he should know more than anyone the pain of being left behind without a warning

"YaLi … I'm So–"

"No! don't say it…"

"YaLi…"

" They told me… there might be a cure, that's ... that's where you're going right? That's the place you're trying to find? Find it, and when you come home… when all of this shit works, that's when you would say your apology"

    LiCu stood up not looking at him before wiping his eyes and face with his palms, WuXie went silent at that  …