Grand Moff Tarkin suggested that I "take up journal keeping" to "relieve my stress". I AM NOT STRESSED! I just have a lot on my plate right now, and everyone keeps pressuring me.
And of course the Emperor thought that Tarkin's idea was "splendid." Even Kendal Ozzel knows that Tarkin is jealous of me. He wishes that he could be second in command instead of me. He is lame. Everything about him is lame, especially his hair, or lack thereof.
That is why I am writing in a stupid pink journal with butterflies on it. Tarkin claims that this was the only journal that he could find. What a loser. JERKFACE. This journal looks like it belongs to a five year old girl.
If anyone finds out about this journal, I shall be the laughing stock of the Empire. I would rather play in sand than have anyone find out about this, and that is saying something.
If he was here he would probably judge my handwriting and say"Be mindful of your handwriting, Anakin, it betrays you." No one wants to listen to Mr. Perfect's lectures. People got mad at me for attacking him, I was going to do them a favor. Somehow everything sounds much worse in that stupid accent of his. "Do this, do that. You can kill a count, but you can't choke your wife when she betrays you. Blah Blah Blah."
Well, I have to go. We are going to attack an innocent planet and kill everyone. Fun!
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary, (Darth Vader)
Science FictionThis is the diary of Darth Vader. Anyone who dares read it will be choked to death. Thank you and have a nice day.
