she had known she was trans sense she was fourteen. it had all just clicked one day.
"hey eret?" she had asked, taking another sip of her drink. they decided to go drinking, 'of course,' she thinks, 'drinking with Eret is my trans awakening.'
"whas up?" Eret responded lazily, poping the 'p'.
"oh prime your too drunk for this" she rubed her hands temples. "lets hope you dont remember then. so... how- how did you.. know? that- that your trans spacificly." her voice got rushed and quieter twards the end, a questioning silence among them as Eret thought over the question.
"forgot. just did. i dont know man jus used different pronouns and had no preference i guess" her voice ended in more of a question then anything
"that cant be it" she had said, exasperated.
"well i dont know whata tell 'ya then" he unjusted herself against the tree they were leaning against "hand me another botle will 'ya?"
"last one, we gotta sober up soon and get back. if i get introuble cuz you go back drunk, im beating yiur ass tomorrow."
she didnt get introuble that night
sometimes she wishes she did, maybe it would of put some bad memorys into her mind and not let her reminisce onto that conversation. or alternatively, the toughts of 'why couldnt i have just drank more'. hundreds of 'what ifs' have pased trough her head sense that day, all of whitch she knows are 'unhealthy thoughts' and that she 'shouldn't dwell on the past because its the past for a reason, unchangeable.' curse her therapist of a mother for being do good to her all those years, but times have changed.
but you know, who could of thought the simple, convesational-topic-of-a-question would turn her world upside-down?
the day after that she had been stuck in her toughts again, her mind going all over the place, bouncing around until it all seemed to stop. "how- how did you.. know? that- that your trans spacificly." she had sat right up in her bed, staring at her dest.
she stud, studying herself in the full-length mirror to the left of her desk. "am i?.." her eyes taled the walls, asking for an answer in her things rather than herself. she started going back over the breif conversation she had with Eret, mumbling the words as if she was trying to lean the lines to a play, or the words to a speach she would have to do, while pacing her room
"'i dont know man, jus used different pronouns and didnt have a preference' yea that sounds... right?" she stoped her paicing infront of the mirror, staring at her reflection. "i dont.. feel wrong? shoukdnt i.. like... feel weird?? yea didnt eret say something about that? whatever"
she scoffed, "this is stupid. im being an idiot. i cant be trans...." she stoped to listen to herself "well yea i guess your right? if im actually not.. then this should be easy? right?? ok."
she stared at herself, not making any effort into tring. none at all.
"ok uhm hi" she had waved at herself, gigling a little "uhm my name is clay. uh.. clay is great he is.. uhm.. is cool and... yea."
"bphhhHAAAH-" she laughed "that- that was so- HAH- awful-" she draged her hand through her hair to steady herself " we should.. like... plan this? right? no thats weird im making this do weird-" she grounded herself, rocking back and forth once.
"so.. this is clay" she pointed vaigly at herself "uhm... she is... confused with herself and wanted some help..." her sentence had trailed off, never to be finished.
her eyes were watering, "that felt" she snifed "so.. good "
she didnt do much else thst day. most of her day was spent crying at talking about herself in third person.
YOU ARE READING
Transfem Dream
Fanfictionwhat will she do? perhaps.. have a breakdown? c!Dream is transfem. she comes out, no one cares, thats her villain origin story. also should be mentioned, im transmasc. i know practically nothing about transfems. i really should have written her as t...
