Why Should I Hold On

The Birth Of A Narcissist

Sometimes I wonder what was thinking when she had me, like was she thinking about me or herself . Like why would she bring me in this world knowing she had nothing to offer knowing she was just going to mentally and physically abuse me then just leave me like a kid when they get a new toy. my name is Tiana a Fucked up 19 year old who's trying to find away not to say fuck it and its very hard i keep getting knocked down and hurt i tried everything for happiness but it seem like it runs away from me and that's why my mom chose to bring me in this world for torture and so she would be punish by who yall call god for killing her unborn child but what that had to do with me my first mistake was life. Every time she had a new kid i felt like she loved me less and less she never had time to ask me how i felt or how i was doing she just yelled and screamed and pick up her slack. I always felt alone I know your like where your dad well the question is i don't know see my mom and real dad broke up when i was a baby and then my mom got wit my step dad and move away she would tell my dad where we lived so i went along time not knowing who he was. I really didn't care until i got older and i realized i looked different from the rest of my brothers and sisters they were all light and im the only dark skin . My mom was brown skin and my step dad was light skin yea they could of made a dark baby because anything is possible but i didn't look like them either and everybody noticed an when i mean everybody i mean my little brother and sister they use to make fun of me and that really had my wanting to know the truth even more just the feeling to have something of my own. Then that day came it was the last day of school before summer break my mom picked us up from the bust stop i just finished 1st grade. We went home she told me to get dress and pack a bag me im thinking im going to my grandmas house my grandma was my favorite place to go to when i was young it was the only time i felt important loved and i love being there by myself but little did i know i was meeting my dad for the first time. We pulled up at these apartments and this big tall man came to the window the first glimpse i knew he was my dad we looked just alike it was almost scary to meet somebody that looks just like you yea i look like my my mom but not as much as my dad . the first hug felt like a relief like i been waiting mom whole life for this to meet my dad my own dad. That whole day i was great i got meet my brother i got spoiled with gifts and money all that weekend felt good to be loved once again but we all know that dont last .