my habits of his heart

typical

each saturday night usually ended in a unfortunate drxg relapse. i'd show up to his house, well my physical self would. i'd text him letting him know i was here again with no recollection and immediately see his shadow from his faint light in his bedroom hurry down. it got easier now since he moved out. his dad didn't have to see me, or i didn't have to struggle to sneak either. i could hardly walk. and after he rushed over to me in an immediate instant i collapsed into his arms. "im sorry" was usually the only thing said at the beginning to ease the frustrated silence. then after he escorted my light yet heavy body to his room i'd lay lifeless on his bed while he pranced in an tensed state. until i felt the consequences of the night hit me. hurrying to his bathroom in a stumble, id gag up the night, with him by my side. i could see him getting upset this time. the cold bathroom floor softly touched me. time would skip and i would be in his shower clothed with him trying to bring me to my senses with the cool water. my eyes would struggle to open to meet his irritated gaze as i felt my neck give in from my light head. the back of my neck being met by his soft, reassuring hand. time would skip again and he'd be helping me get dressed into his clothes. id be drowning in his plain black t-shirt and his grey shorts consumed my bruised legs. he'd lay down beside me. my head on his beating chest as id drift off. i could feel him hold his breathe as he'd turn his face away. slowly turning red and a tremble would take over his body. tears threatened to leave him. yet he concealed. instead he just held me, moving his delicate hands through my hair and gently kissing my head. i stayed quiet. i couldn't have the dignity to talk to him.