Invisible

Chapter 5

I spent the last hour of the school day alone in the back of the library. Emily's mother came to pick her up shortly after a friend of hers found her crying in the bathroom. I knew some of my other less close friends were upset too. I had seen a few of them cry in class and others being comforted in the hallway. Still, for reasons unknown, I was surprised by the amount of mourning I had encountered after my death. I believed I'd somehow be forgotten, even if that wasn't all that logical.

A deep depression sunk into my mind. I missed everyone I had ever known all at once. My family, my friends, my pets, my old friends, my teachers, my classmates, and all the others.

Once again I wanted nothing more than to break down right then and there and let myself cry. Yet still I was powerless. Most people assume not being able to cry after death would be a blessing. As if problems would melt away on thier own. In reality, it is a terrible curse.

That night was agony. As I stood there locked away and alone in the dark corridors of that school, I went purely mad. I screamed, but I didn't emit a single sound. I cried, but I didn't shed a tear. I hurt, but I felt no pain. Only sheer emotional madness. I was breaking, but with no hope of breaking free.

The most enraging part of that awful nightmare was that I had no body to throw at walls and to punch and kick stuff with. The lack of ability to feel physical pain left me hopeless of ever finding relief. I never realized it until it was gone, but pain is how distress is expelled. That heavy hearted feeling, exhaustion, and headaches are physical relief of emotional pain. Without them, my greif looped through my head over and over again, without any means of escape.

I always wondered in life why ghosts were always portrayed as violent and evil beings in popular culture. In movies and television, they are often seen possessing people and driving them to violent insanity. Or they will alter objects or environments to harm the seemingly innocent protagonists.

Perhaps those ghosts cannot escape the grief and regret of losing thier own life. Perhaps they simply lost their minds. Despite that, I determined that I would hold on to my mind with all the strength I have. After all, it is my last posession.

Eventually, I lie down on the floor of a hallway and enter that strange state of half-sleep. My mind goes numb. All thought escaped my mind. I clung to the remaining threads of my consciousness and waited in silence for the morning.