Rough Changes (Frank Castle x Matt Murdock)

return of the bartender

mentions of r.pe, ab.se, thr.wing up

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Now why shall I be saved when so many before me have fallen? If God chose me to suffer why am I receiving this gift? Another person is coming to care, yet I never asked for it. I never prayed. I never begged. Hell, I cursed you out before I could even remember my name. So why have you brought forth such a gift that I am not fit to receive? Is it manipulation? A joke? Or have you seen your wrong doings and are trying to make up for all you've done? Maybe, above all other possibilities, this person isn't a person at all. Maybe it's the Devil in disguise, coming to relish on my pain and fear. And maybe you're going to let him. Even enjoy watching him do so.

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Frank Castle had had a long day. He was tired, he was annoyed, and he just wanted to see his kids. But whatever that could have been was gone, as Maria left with the two children a while back.

Frank had gone to war, and Frank had come back. He was just about verging on the age of twenty five though he could have sworn he lived a lifetime.

And Frank loved Maria. He really, really did. But when she had asked him where home truly was, he couldn't answer. Couldn't look her in the eyes and say 'with you. Always with you.' Instead he paled and went silent as his mind raced between answers. But Maria seemed to know. Frank knew that Maria knew that whatever came out of his mouth would be a lie.

He knew that she knew that home for him was in the dirt with his follow soldiers as gunfire rang out from all sides. And because of that, she left. Because of that, because of the fact that he couldn't prove he'd ever truly be with her, at least not emotionally, she was gone.

And now Frank wasn't going anywhere. He was trying to prove that he could stay without enlisting again. He wanted to show that he could be a suitable Father to the children, and a suitable Husband to Maria. Though as each day went by, he felt himself becoming less heartbroken. That once raw and painful feeling in his chest was becoming numb.

He loved Maria, but knowing that she was in fact not staying loyal -which he knew wasn't her fault. She left. There was nothing to stay loyal to- just sent him over the edge, into the abyss of complete and total unknown.

He did want to take the case to court, though. Frank wanted at least some custody over his children. But the courts didn't go in his favour. All Maria had to say was that she was worried for the children's safety, because of PTSD or whatever she could muster up, and the case would be closed. After all, she was the Mother, and the Mother always won in the Court of Law.

And so as Frank entered his apartment he was mad, and tired, and completely agitated. He had been up since four in the morning, nightmares keeping him awake, which lead to him starting his day early. He didn't have the bar shift, so he was free to do whatever he pleased with his time. That meant chores, odd jobs, whatever could keep him busy. Whatever could exhaust him.

That exhaustion took a toll, and his bed never felt as comfortable as it did when he fell into it and almost instantly fell asleep.

He awoke in the early hours of the morning once again in a cold sweat, nightmares still flashing behind his eyes.

In the specific one that had just rattled him to his core, Frank had been out with his squad on a mission. It was all normal until the landscape changed and the sky darkened. The enemy in front of him became Billy, which then turned to Maria, and eventually the four of them - Billy, Maria, and the children. An order rang out in his ears, to kill them. Kill his family. Kill the only ones he ever loved. And he had to obey.

Frank quickly showered and dressed as he pushed the nightmare out of his mind, knowing it would come to resurface at some point. Most likely when he went back to sleep. But those were thoughts he could dismiss, so he did.