I've always been bored.
Extremely irritated with every normal aspect of life. There's just something in me that aches for the unexpected to happen. I see people and their completely ordinary lives and it disgusts me, I hate it and I don't want to be like people. And I wasn't like them. I am like an alien in every place I have ever been.
I never loved someone for a long time. I liked people that could potentially tear my world apart. I liked a boy with a girlfriend, who'd make me cry myself to sleep every night after sneaking around with him. I liked someone way too old for me, who had me staring at him for hours just fantasizing about the illegal things we could do. I liked a girl with blue hair I knew for a night, who told me about her drug problem and her drunken car accident. I liked dangerous people, rough and violent and poisonous for me.
I liked action movies. I liked stumbling around drunk at night. I liked nose bleeds, shop lifting and talking to strangers. I hated coming home to the same old abandoned house. I hated being sober. I hated pop music, school and people.
I wore dark eye makeup and dyed my hair black. I wanted to scare people away, and let them know I was not normal. I listened to loud music that made my heart beat harder. I drove faster. I do things people aren't very fond of. I am fascinated by emotion, I like to cry, scream, fight, and laugh. I found beauty in the extraordinary things.
I am not typical.
But of all the temporary, impulsive things in my life, I wanted something. Something that would keep me awake in a world where I was always dreaming.
