Napabuga sya ng hininga at patuloy tumingila sa kawalan. Maliwanag ang buwan ngayon na tila ba nagbibigay ito ng pag asa sa lahat ng kadilimang nangyari sa buhay niya.
She doesn't want to sleep. Gusto niyang titigan ang buwan buong gabi at kausapin ito. Natatakot sya baka bukas hindi na nya makikita ang kanyang liwanag. Her eyelids felt heavy and anytime she will doze off. But this is the last night. And she will cherish the last moments forever even its too late.
Umayos sya ng upo at pinagmasdan ang mga tao sa paligid. Kanya kanya itong pwesto para makaidlip, habang ang iba ay naguusap ng kung ano-ano just to divert their attention ngunit pansin parin ang pagod at antok sa mga mukha nila.
"Clara.."Napatigil sya sa pagmasid at napalingon nang may tumawag sa kanyang pangalan.
She stood up and try to hide her thoughts from the darkness. She smiled. "Kuya Ice ikaw pala, gusto mo ng coffee? Ipagtimpla kita." Umiiling ito.
"Huwag na, just want to check on you if okay ka na ba." He gently tapped her shoulder. Concern was evident in his face. If it is was a usual conversation with this guy siguradong kakabahan si Clara. Pero hindi eh. She bite her lips to hide her surging emotions that was about to vent.
Kumurap sya at tanging peke na ngiti ang kanyang sagot. Ice sighed. Bago ito umalis he patted her shoulder for the last time.
"Your mother was asleep already. And its getting late kaya matulog ka na. Maaga pa tayo bukas."
Clara nodded. Ayaw nya sanang matulog pero nakaramdam sya bigla ng pagod at sobrang bigat na ng dibdib nya. She wants to vent out everything. Anytime she would collapse. Anytime she would cry her heart out. Ayaw niyang may makakitang mahina sya. She sighed. This is so unexpected.
"Hi Pa. M-matutulog na muna ako, maaga kasi ako gigising bukas eh," paalam nya at tinitigan niya ito at naghihintay ng sagot. She is expecting an answer that is impossible to happen. Nakasuot ito ng puting polo at natutulog. Mahimbing ang tulog nito . Clara is waiting for his father's response but his eyelids are already closed and will never be open again.
Masyado bang mataas ang hiling ko na marinig ang boses nya sa huling pagkakataon?
Masyado bang imposible ang isang hiling na sana nakita nya ang liwanag ng buwan bago nya ako iniwan?
"Dito muna kami sa garden niyo, mag star gazing." Paalam sa isang kaibigan niya. She nods kahit hindi masyadong proseso sa utak.
"You want to come with us? Or..you want some privacy?" Dagdag nito. Agad syang umiling.
"Gusto ko muna matulog. Okay lang ba? Punta lang kayo sa room ko if ever inaantok na kayo." Her three friends nodded. Umakyat na sya at pumasok sa kwarto. She assumes that once her back would lie on the bed, makakatulog na sya. Instead, her mind awakened her pain that has been kept for too long.
Tila isa itong ulan na biglang bumuhos na walang paalam. Kahit hindi nya iisipin kung saan magsisimula her tears rolled down her cheeks. Endlessly. She gasped catching for breath and clutched her heart dahil sa bigat na nararamdaman. Pilit nyang tinakpan ang bibig para walang makarinig ng kanyang hinagpis. Do you know what is the most painful? Even crying your heart out won't make any difference. It helps you to vent out but the pain you felt is still there. Pain and longingness still exist while facing own battles in life. But what Clara feared the most is facing the future of uncertainties without his light. Without his guide, she would lost her path. Just by thinking of it she wants to run away.
She won't make it until the end of the race.
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BINABASA MO ANG
High Hopes
Kurzgeschichten"When love and pain comes both.." Compelling story of two people both afraid to take risks.
