Birth oneshots

Birth without pain

"155"

The doppler ultrasound device flashes the number on the screen and I record Baby 1's heartrate on my chart. I then move it over to measure Baby 2's heartbeat. After a minute the number flashes again

"153"

Both numbers a bit higher than usual, but still within the healthy range for a fetus. Ever since I found out I was pregnant it has become part of my daily ritual to record the babies' heartbeats after I record my own. I also have to record my temperature, blood pressure, respiratory rate, my pulse, and observe my body daily for any bruises or abrasions. It may be obsessive but it is what keeps me alive. These measurements are the only indicators I have of my body's wellbeing, because my body will not tell me what is wrong the one way it does through everyone else, pain.

I cannot feel pain. I could break a bone, rupture an organ, have something stabbed deep into my skin and I would not feel it. I don't know what it is to feel pain. But that is the life of someone with CIPA. 

I was diagnosed at age 2 after I bit into my lip so hard it bled and I didn't even cry. Since then I have had to live by a set of rules.

1. Monitor your body daily

2. Never go near a stove or any surface known to be hot. My mother created this one after I sustained second degree burns by not moving my hand of a stove when she was cooking. 

3. Never do any strenuous exercise for more than 15 minutes. This is because not only could I pull a muscle and not feel it, but I cannot sweat properly so I would overheat. 

4. Never jump off any surface higher than the distance from your knee to your foot. 

5. Never bite your lip or fingernails, and do not rub or scratch your eye

6. Use the restroom five times a day

I've always had to be more cautious than other people, as my body will not tell me when I am being pushed too far. It is difficult to explain to people why I cannot do certain activities and why I have to live by rituals, and most people will be unwilling to hear about the difficulties of living with CIPA as they just see life without pain as a blessing. 

The only person who really understood was my dad, he also had CIPA. But he passed away a few years ago, he had a heart attack and never even felt it. After that mum became my confidant, but ever since I told her I was pregnant she stopped speaking to me, saying it was too dangerous for someone with CIPA to go through pregnancy and birth. I know it is incredibly dangerous, but I already love my babies, I have great doctors, and I thought she would at least be supportive.

Kyle has also been really understanding. He has never complained that I can't use the stove, and once we started getting serious he even started helping me do my daily monitoring, especially these last couple months as the birth draws closer.

I head towards the kitchen, feeling hungry for a sandwich. I thank whatever gods there may be that CIPA doesn't affect my ability to taste. Cheese toasties are the best thing in the universe. Heading to the counter I see a parcel with a note attached to it.

Sorry I haven't been spending much time with you. 

I promise to spoil you tonight. 

- Kyle

Ah, okay. I guess Kyle had to go to the office. It's been tough, he's been having to work longer hours as the office has been unable to find someone to replace me while I'm on maternity leave, but the office still needs to reach its weekly sales numbers. 

Opening the parcel I see a gorgeous ring with a purple gemstone in it, my birthstone. Well its hard to stay made at him for running off again when he knows just what I've been wanting to buy. Probably because I told him a dozen times.