Brush with a Gangster

Dust off

*'If the world would only know what you've been holding back
Heart attacks every night
Oh, you know it's not right'
--------------------------------------------------------------

I switched off the jeep ignition, got out and started walking towards my house. The weather was uneventful from the past few days, ever since Basil left.

Basil. Oh, what a fool I am. I had made so many dumb dreams about a man who stayed with me for such a short period. What is wrong with me? Is it because I'm lonely? Was it because he was the first man who said I'm pretty? Maybe it was.

Going inside the office, I opened my laptop. Opening my daily log book, trying to pretend that I am not bored to death in this life. What am I doing here anyway? What is this life? Why am I trying to hide myself here? Should I move somewhere? But how will I do it, I don't even know anyone or anything. I'll just be confused and alone.

I sat down on the chair. I'll make the same fire, eat the same lunch, have the same view. It is all so so lonely here. I don't want to do this. I want to go out. Basil can go to hell for all I care. I will meet so many guys there, much better than him. I'll have my choice.

Fine, no more Basil talk. He was an ass. That's why he left without a good bye. But there was no need for him to say all those sweet things he did to me. I didn't ask for it. If he wanted to just leave after he got better, then he could have done just that. It was he who started it. And how dare he kiss me, what a jerk. What a grade A jerk.

#*#*#*

"You look thinner than last time", my mom said while putting a bowl of salad on the dining table. "That place takes away all your energy, I don't know why you live there".

"You know why", I replied, setting down the plates.

She looked up and put her fists on her waist. "Why can't you get over that? Not everyone is like your dad".

"But he is the one who left us. He was from the big city. He was always in a rush. He always wanted to see more of what's out there. He was never satisfied. These city folks are never satisfied." I finished my rant.

"Are you forgetting that you were born in a big city too? So technically you're a city girl".

"Don't call me that mom. I was raised here. It doesn't matter where I was born." I protested.

"Fine, let's have lunch now", she resigned. Not wanted to have this argument again.

After lunch, my mom gave me some cake she baked. After looking at that I felt a pang in my heart.

"What happened? You don't want cake?", She asked.

"No, I love your cake mom. You know that", I smiled. Why am I sad anyway. Stop thinking about him dumb girl.

"Hey mom", she looked up, "have you ever tasted the cake batter?"

She frowned, "batter?"

"Yeah, it tastes really good. It tastes just like cake, but liquidy", I shrugged and smiled.

My mom shook her head, "What are you eating back home? That's why you're loosing weight. I will pack you some things I made you. Don't eat batter or whatever it is you're eating. Eat proper food", she reprimanded.

"I eat normal food mom," I chuckled.

"Don't mom me. Have your cake".

#*#*#*

I was helping my mom with peas for night's dinner. It felt nice to take some time off from my job to come here. I really don't want to go to that lonely house again.

"Mom"

"Hmm"

"I wanted to talk to you about something for some time now. I have been thinking of studying further. Maybe I will go for a business course. I've applied to a few colleges. I'm waiting to hear from them".

"Really! That's so good. Why didn't you tell me this before? I can't believe you are finally thinking about going out. Oh I am so happy for you. Where are you going? Hope its somewhere warm."

"Nothing is final. I just applied. That doesn't mean I will be accepted. If I get accepted, then I'll think about it", I replied.

"What do you mean you'll think about it. Of course you will go if you're accepted. If you went through the effort of applying, that means you really want it."

"You know how much I hate cities. What if I become like them, like dad. And it's really scary. Leaving my job to study. What if it doesn't work out? What if I remain jobless?"

"So many what ifs? Of course it's scary. Everything new is scary. And yes, there's no guarantee that everything will work out right. It can also go wrong. But that's a chance you will have to take".

I put my head on her arms, "But these city folks are liars. They make big promises and don't follow through".

"Well then you'll have to make sure that you don't become like them. Don't ever forget who you are. But Dove, if you won't take a chance then you will never grow. If you fall down, you can always get up. Besides, your mom always have your back".

I pouted and smiled, "thanks mom".

#*#*#*

I was checking my mails, hoping for a reply from any of the colleges I had applied to. But I didn't receive a reply from any of them.

I noticed a mail in my inbox from Southern Business Academy. I opened it and found that I was offered admission and a scholarship. That was weird. I did not remember applying to this college. I checked the college's website, it's alumni network, it's reviews. It seems like a legit college with a good reputation.

I decided t make a few calls and do some more research. After some research I realized that I have been admitted to a very prestigious college. I cannot believe it. I'm really going to leave. In a few months I will be in another state. I will have to arrange a house, resign from this job, think about my finances. It was getting too real for me to be calm.

I called my mom and told her the news. She told me she knew I would get it. She was happy too. It was something she wanted for me from a long time.

"So does that mean, after a year you will be getting a job in one of those fancy offices with sky high buildings?", She asked with excitement.

"I don't know mom. I will figure out how things are once I get there. But I'm so happy that I'm going".

Disconnecting mom's call after some time I sighed and looked around me. I felt a pang in my heart. Like a weird sadness. As if things have changed forever. I walked out in the living room. looking at the white cotton looking tree lines. It looked like giant chunks of cooton stuck on branches, on the ground and everywhere around. For the last few months I was manifesting getting out of this place. But now I think I will miss all this. The quiet, untouched and calm atmosphere. The city will be fast and noisy. But what I am most scared of is me. I don't want to get lost there. I don't want to be like those city folks, undependable and self-involved. But I promise myself, I will not allow myself to be corrupted by it. I will not forget where I'm from.

#*#*#*

Changes are scary but it's the only way you grow, right.

*The above lines are from the song Follow You by Imagine Dragons.

Do vote, comment and share dear readers.

With love and appreciation,
Sibi