small droplets ran down the window. outside, nothing was able to be seen. pure darkness. from the front of the car, it was visible, trees lined up the never ending roads, as if to suffocate her. a melancholic melody rang in her ears, the sound of the violin she won't be able to play again. despite the ringing of the melody, the quiet murmurs seemed to get louder. was it the whispers from her brain or out loud.
but no one else felt like this, why was it just her? she looked around quickly, only to see faceless heads facing her. the small light that was being emitted was engulfed by her desolation. she had never felt more alone. looking down into her lap, she fiddled with the plaster that lay upon her fingertips of every finger. her broken skin slowly healing, but why can this feeling of emptiness not heal?
her body sat still, she was hollow. not a heart to love or a brain to think. just what was she? to others, she was emotionless but had too much emotion. she was beautiful yet so hideous at the same time. everything she did to change herself could not give her the validation she oh so craved dearly. for she did not know who she was nor how to bring herself back to her senses. she was a doll, thrown around and given to play with others once they are bored of her. when will she be thrown away for good?
her eyes began to wander back out the window. the shadows of the trees completely solitude and dead. breathing but not living. they made shapes of monsters, following her everywhere she went. she can't get away. it's like a curse. a curse put on her by herself and not knowing how to undo it, she lives everyday in this state of derealisation.
looking up at the sky, the stars shone. but not for her. each time she would attempt to look at them, they would disappear. why is everything good running away from her? what did she do to deserve this? nothing seems good, nothing is good. but why? why is this uninvited woe surrounding her. she's drowning in her own despair and cannot get out of it. no one can help her now, she kept it a secret far too long. nothing can save her.
she's helpless.
