Nothing Without Love: Dance Like This -Book I

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

 

In the arms of the angels

Fly away from here

From this dark, cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You’re in the arms of the angels

May you find

Some comfort here………

 Nickie

I knew that song so well. In the first few days after my miscarriage, I would play it and allow myself to be consumed by my sadness. But now I didn’t have that option as Jace stood in front of me. Well, now I just heard it in my head right now.

He would hate me for sure. Tell me I was too weak or how could I put our baby in danger. I was thinking of my own pain, and though it may have been selfish of me I wasn’t about to downplay it for anyone’s sake. Not even Jace’s. My pain was valid because I had been affected negatively by the situation.

We were there in Kaye’s living room, silent as graves. Neither of us know just what to say to the other.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jace asked first, coming closer to me.

I kept my eyes on the coffee table in front of me, not wanting to make eye contact with the man I loved so desperately. If I did it would be all over. I knew I would fall back into Jace’s arms eventually, but I wasn’t allowing that to happen right now. I needed to get through this conversation first.

“How could I have told you?” I replied, finding strength in my voice, “I was alone and as far as I knew you’d just cheated on me. I didn’t think you’d care. So I went on with my life on my own. I thought I was strong enough for both of us. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong,” I cried dry sobs now as my tear ducts would no longer allow tears to flow freely. I felt like the life had been sucked out of me already, which was ironic because I felt so hollow from the pain.

Jace quickly came around the other side of the couch where Kaye had been sitting only a few minutes prior and without a word encased me in his arms. I felt protected by his embrace, like nothing would hurt me again, “Nickie, listen to me please. I’m sorry you had to live through that, and do it alone. You had every right to question my integrity, but know that I love you and I still want you, even after all this.”

I cried relentlessly in his arms, cried over the loss of our child, over the resounding fact that he still wanted me, “You’re not mad at me?”

“No, God no Nickie. I love you so much. It wasn’t your fault. Like Kaye said, you will have children again. Whether or not it’s with me is your choice.”

I shook my head, leaning away from him, “I should have told you. You had the right to know about your own child. I was just being selfish and I’m sorry for that.”

“It’s okay Nick. I’m not mad about it.”

“Good,” I started, “because I still love you too.”

I felt him smiling against my skin where his cheek rested on the nape of my neck, “I’m glad. I love you Nicole.”

 

******************

 

Sebastian was in my room. Sebastian Bridges was in my damn room! To any other woman in New York City, this may be considered a dream come true. For me, it was a fucking nightmare. But I had to thank him for Jace though.