Harry Potter Fanfics

Of Mums and Men

Title: Of Mums and Men
Author: darkbluedark
Site: Archive of Our Own
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34648246

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"Lads!" James boomed, clapping each of his friends on the back and pulling out a chair for Lily before he sat down himself. "It's been too long!

"It really has," Peter agreed as Sirius signalled Tom for five butterbeers. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, Moony; where have you been??"

"Oh, you know," said Remus, leaning in and lowering his voice. "Order stuff. Dumbledore's been sending me on a lot of missions."

"That's what you say every time," Peter whined.

Sirius snorted. "You're telling me, Wormy ol' pal. Re doesn't tell me shite either."

Lily kicked both Sirius and Peter under the table. Peter blushed and averted his gaze to the tabletop; Sirius huffed back at her in indignation.

"Can we at least save the accusations for at least ten minutes into this outing?" Lily hissed. She ignored the pout Sirius was sending her in favor of the butterbeers Tom brought over.

"Aren't you not supposed to drink when you're pregnant?" Sirius asked petulantly. This time it was James who kicked him under the table.

"Number one, butterbeer is like three whole percent alcoholic. Secondly, if this child I am growing inside me is really supposed to be able to defeat You-Know-Freaking-Who, then I really hope for all our sakes that it takes more than one butterbeer to do him any serious damage. Number three," Lily continued, before Sirius could make the serious joke she knew was on the tip of his tongue, "Pregnant witches are like dragons. Antagonize us at your own risk." Having finished her little tirade, Lily proceeded to down her entire butterbeer in three consecutive gulps, never once stopping for breath nor breaking eye contact with Sirius. He, Remus, and Peter all watched her chug the drink with a horrified fascination, unable to tear their eyes away.

"Anyways!" James said cheerfully, clapping his hands together. "Long time no see, et cetera. Last get-together before Lils and I go into hiding, et cetera. Busy with the Order, et cetera. Can't talk about it, top secret, et cetera--"

"It really is annoying you can't talk about it, Remus," Peter sulked. "I bet your missions are way cooler than the dumb recon I've been on lately, freezing my bollocks off outside of some barn in the middle of nowhere in sodding February."

"When was the last time you were even on a mission, Wormy?" Sirius asked, a hint of scorn creeping into his voice. "You sure do seem to complain a lot for someone who's never even in the field anymore." Sirius then shifted in his seat and shot James a smirk that said he had successfully dodged another kick to the shins.

"It's not on purpose!" Peter insisted, his voice rising. "It's not my fault my mum's still sick and my good-for-nothing sister refuses to help me out!"

"How is she doing these days?" Lily asked kindly.

Peter shot her a grateful smile. "About the same, really; she has good days and bad. You know how it is."

"I wish," Sirius muttered.

James leaned over the table to smack Sirius upside the head. "That's my mum you're talking about," he said fiercely. Sirius gave James a shy smile that morphed quickly into a brilliant grin.

"If you ever want to talk about it, you can," Remus said softly to Peter. "I remember how hard it was when my mum was ill."

James snorted. "Which time?"

Lily, who was sitting next to her husband, had to lean back in her chair to give herself a good angle, but the smack she landed on the side of James' head rang out sharp and loud.

"Agh! What did you do that for?"

"She actually was ill the second time, you dolt! So that's still an inconsiderate joke to make!"

"If you'd heard the sick mum excuse as often as the rest of us did in first year, you'd think it was funny too!" James protested.

"It is kind of funny," Remus admitted mildly.

"We were very considerate the first time around," Sirius smirked. "Spent months all torn up about poor Remus and his dying mum before we realized he was pulling one over on us."

"You can't still expect me to feel sorry about that," Remus complained. "Sick mum is like the oldest trick in the book! It's a foolproof excuse for disappearing. I came off looking like a caring and dedicated son and everyone else felt rude asking too many questions about it." Remus took a contented sip of his butterbeer; beside him, Peter took a much longer drink. "It was perfect. A real classic."

James chuckled. "It would have been perfect if you were capable of pulling it off. Too bad you're such a shite liar, though," he mused.

"I am not a shite liar!" Remus protested.

"Moony, I love you, but a bunch of twelve year olds figured you out. There's not much to brag about there," said Sirius with a condescending pat on the back.

"Yeah, if it were me I could've kept it up at least until fourth year," James mused.

"No way. Third year at best," said Sirius.

"You wound me!" James clutched at imaginary pearls. "And it's not like you could've done it longer!"

"Please! We all know I'm the best liar here!"

"Oh, Pads. Even if you were, which you aren't, there is no universe in which you would've left Hogwarts to visit Walburga once a month."

Sirius grimaced and took a long drink. "Well, you're not wrong there."

James scrambled to fill the awkward silence that ensued. "Now Wormy, on the other hand, well, he wasn't much of a liar at first but we made a true Marauder out of him by the end! I bet he could've pulled off..." James' face fell as he looked at Peter. "... the sick mum story."

A dire silence settled around the table for a moment as the rest of the Marauders registered James' frown. Sirius, Remus, and Lily turned their heads one by one to study Peter thoughtfully. A nervous giggle escaped him before he could choke it back down.

Sirius cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. "Wormtail," he said slowly, each consonant unusually heavy falling off his tongue, "what was it the healers said your mum has again?"

Peter swallowed the last of his butterbeer and pushed his chair back. "Whatever you think you just realized, you're wrong," he said coldly. "I can't deal with you lot being arseholes when I'm already worried about my mum, who is actually ill!" His last three words were unnaturally shrill, the only way the rest of the Marauders had ever been able to tell he was lying.

Before anyone else could decide how they wanted to respond, Peter stormed out of the pub. Four shocked sets of eyes followed his departure.

Sirius, Remus, James and Lily stared at each other for several long minutes, not daring to speak.

"D'you know what I just realized," Sirius began, shifting in his seat and curling his fingers reflexively over his empty mug of butterbeer. "Have you ever noticed that Wormy is always the first person to mention how shady Moony's Order missions are?"

"What?" Remus yelped. "Me? If anything, he's always the first to bring up how suspicious you've been acting!"

"Me? How have I been acting suspicious??"

"Both," James croaked. "He's been saying things behind both your backs for months."

A heavy silence descended again upon the table. Remus drained the last of his butterbeer; Sirius kept picking up his mug and bringing it halfway to his mouth before realizing it was empty. Eventually, Lily heaved herself up from the table with a sigh, levitated the empty glasses in front of her, and flagged down Tom at the bar.

"Another butterbeer for me, please, and... let's say six firewhiskys, to start."