UNDER THE AUTUMN.

when did i start?

1879

my birthday was october 15, 1879. my hair was close to the pigments of oranges and tangerines. my skin was pale like an egg shell and my eyes were blue like diamonds.

i didn't know when it started to be honest. i didn't know how i got here. but, when i turned eighteen it seems like time stopped itself on my palms; i was frozen. the frost begun to hug me like a selfish caldera. i wasn't able to comprehend it all.

but soon enough, i learned to accept it.

it was refreshing at first because i knew i wouldn't grow old nor have those crippling fingers like my mother. but after realizing the consequences of being frozen-- that you can never be thawed, i became doubtful whether this is a gift or a curse. because my mother grew old like a snowflake withering on the colors of my arms.

she told me, "chaeyoung live long."

i don't want to.

because how am i suppose to move forward when i'm stuck?

after that, i learned how scary it is to attach myself to a person who would just be temporary. so i locked myself up, i locked my feelings. i started to live my life from moving from town to town just so they wouldn't call me a witch or a sorcerer because i never grow old to them.

it was easy of course. because i didn't have anyone, i had no attachments or whatsoever.

yet i found you.

i thought i would forget about you because you just talked to me about your book and nothing else. it's not like there was a meaning inside of it.

but why do i find myself thinking about you?

1900

i decided to live in this paper town. it was filled with people who wore frilly and puffed blouses, some wore fluted skirts, and as for men i couldn't quite put their fashion sense but they like wearing brown and black.

the town was filled with acosmists, mouth-gossips, and paralians. they were very loud that i thought to myself they never exprience anecdoche. they always had a gossip in between their pockets; the guys armored themselves with their coats and their stupid mustache seemed to interest some maidens but honestly for me, they just looked like a bunch of sex offenders. the women were very young-like even the old ones, they always had their fans to cover their glossy garnet lips and they blushed every now and then.

honestly, it was tiring. i had to be one of them. i had to wear those fancy dresses yet i don't even know how to fit in.

i ignored people for almost years but you, you always seem to find a way to get to me, huh?

because there you were. you were talking to a maiden who also had the same orange hair as me yet hers was more precise. i overheard you saying you liked it better than any woman had-- then your moon eyes landed on mine.

you were kind of tall yet your legs said something otherwise. you were wearing the same brown coat minus the mustache and honestly, you were the only man here who doesn't look like they want someone in their bed. you were gentle and i bet your skin is as well.

you looked away.

and i was touched. i remember that something was falling on my shoulder-- it was the color of my hair and it was as weak as you.

dead leaves.

that was our second meeting-- at least in your short lifetime.