Losing Grip

Prologue

How did we go from being the best buddies into this?

We used to bond a lot, watch movies together, do sleepovers, shop together, bicker a lot, play online games together, talk about all the gossips we could grasp…

Funny how things could change in just a snap. And what hurts more is that you’ve spent a lot of time together with that person that it breaks your heart to lose them. Losing a friendship that you treasure so much hurts like hell.

“Let’s not be friends anymore.” Stella said. Nakaupo kami ngayon sa swing ng playground sa subdivision namin. She called me here to tell me something important or more like she called me here to break me.

“Ahh…” Is all I managed to utter. Hah, we’ve been friends since we were children and yet she could just easily dispose our friendship just because of a fucking boy.

Yes, a boy.

I took a deep breath.

“Why?” I finally managed to ask.

She threw me a side glance, her face void of any other emotion but pain. Far from the cheerful Stella that I used to know.

“You really wanna know why?”

“Yes..” I pursed my lips to stop myself from letting out a sob.

“You were my best friend, yes.”

“were” past tense, I never knew that a single word could break me like this.

“But you know what? Every damn time I’m with you, my insecurities are eating me away. Mom always compared me with you, your grades, your beauty, your intelligence, every single thing about you… And it’s just so suffocating, but I endured it because I knew that our friendship should be more than that. I don’t know why my mom likes comparing me so much with you. Or maybe because you’re the daughter of her first love and I know that she’s still so damn in love with your dad. Despite all of that, I still stayed in this friendship, until Matt happened. I never told you this but I’ve liked him since fifth grade when he transferred to our school. He made me feel a lot of emotions and made me explore a lot of things I wasn’t aware of. He’s my first boyfriend, even though we just lasted for five months, I love him so much. He’s my first love…”

I just listened to her quietly, tears cascading down my face while I’m trying to process all the things she just said.

“I know that it’s silly to get so worked up with this cause we’re just seventeen for pete’s sake but you know why I do?” I looked at her through my peripheral vision and I could see tears sliding down her beautiful face.

“Because I could just accept it if Matt simply fell out of love but no… That’s not the reason, I accidentally found out that he courted me to get close to you.. But you know that it never happened cause you only see him as my boyfriend…” I immediately looked at her, dumbfounded.

Oh my.

Napakagago mo Matt.

“And I got mad, so mad at you. It’s like the world brought all the good things for you at ako itong sinakluban ng lahat ng kamalasan. Ang sakit sakit, sobrang sakit Abi… Don’t think that I’m ending our friendship just because of a mere boy’s actions.” She shot me a meaningful glance, she really know me. “I just think that maybe getting away from this friendship could also spare me from getting hurt more. Cause I’m so fed up, I’m so fed up from being compared to you and being your shadow…”

Di ko na nakayanan, humagulhol na ako. I looked at her painfully. I didn’t know that she have been hurting deep inside. Ang tanga-tanga ko para di mapansin na nasasaktan na pala sya ng sobra-sobra.