End of The World (Azur Lane: Origins 3)

Chapter 5: Past Mistreatment

I was sitting tensely on one of the couches in the commander's living room as he tended to my wounds, some of which were more serious than I thought. As he did this, I was tearing up, feeling myself edging closer to my limit. I was filled with aches and stings and throbs, and my emotions were overflowing. Having a commander actually care enough to treat my injuries after a challenging fight finally made me realise a lot of things on top of everything else I was feeling. It finally broke a wall that I had built up so I could withstand it all.

The commander reached the gash on my cheek that was still bleeding as my vision became blurry from the tears I was holding back. 'Geez, this one's pretty bad...' When he was done, he turned his attention to my wrist and I felt the tears roll down my cheeks as he bandaged it. Noticing my tears, he asked, 'am I being too rough?'

I struggled to shake my head as he moved on to my hand. He definitely noticed my missing fingernails if he hadn't already. But I didn't care anymore. I didn't have the capacity to care.

Gently resting his hand on my leg, the commander patted my knee and looked up into my eyes and said, 'there, all done,' with a smile. Then I finally broke. I couldn't hold the rest of my tears back. I let them pour down my face, felt them land on my arms and legs. I reached up to wipe them away but more came.

The commander sat next to me on the couch and I felt him pull me closer to him and wrap his arms around me. One of his hands was stroking my hair as I cried into his shirt. I cried and cried and cried, letting all my emotions out, the pain, the sadness and the anger. Even the joy, satisfaction and pride I felt from today's victory. It was too much to feel at once. I cried until I had nothing left. I cried until I had no tears left to shed.

When I was finally done, I pulled away and leaned back against the couch. 'I know you're probably not okay, but do you feel better after letting it out?' The commander's voice was somehow more gentle than usual and the goofy smile that was usually on his face was replaced by a serious expression. Of concern. Of worry.

'A little...'

'Do you want to talk about it?'

I shook my head again. 'Maybe tomorrow. I'm really tired.'

With a gentle smile, the commander patted my head. 'I know you just said you don't feel like talking but I need to tell you that I'm very proud of you.'

'Really?'

'Of course!' The commander stood up, yawned, and stretched. He helped me up and said, 'Let's get you to your dorm so you can get to bed. It's pretty late.' How long had a been crying? I glanced out the window and it wasn't very late. But I was tired, so I didn't argue. There was one thing I had to ask about, though.

'What about you?'

The commander smiled at me with his usual goofy grin, obviously happy that I didn't ask about him after being prompted. 'I'll sleep after I drop you off. I have reports to do but they can wait until tomorrow.' I nodded and let him take my hand as he led me in the general direction of the dorms.

It didn't take me long to find the commander the following morning. I was about to start searching for him when I found him sitting on a bench near the docks. When he noticed me, he smiled and waved me over. 'How are you, Kawakaze? Do you feel better?'

I nodded. 'Do you mind if we talk for a while?' I wasn't expecting to confront him so soon but I didn't mind getting it over and done with.

'Not at all,' he responded as I took a seat next to him. 'As far as I know, I have nothing to do today.'

'What about the report?' The commander froze.

'Oh, yeah... I can probably do that later... Anyway! What did you want to talk about?'

I chuckled at the commander's tactics before returning to my usual, serious self. Holding my hands out in front of the commander, I said, 'I'm sure you noticed my scars and missing fingernails yesterday.'

When I didn't continue, the commander responded, 'I did but I didn't want to ask about them. I figured you'd explain if you wanted me to know. I'm assuming that's what you want to do now?'

I continued with a nod. 'Our previous commander, Commander Kurosu, was... an incredibly harsh man, to put it lightly.'

'Wasn't he the commander who was arrested for treason?'

With another nod, I continued, 'Someone bailed him out and bribed the Vice Admiral to employ him again. Well, that's the conclusion I came to. Anyway, as I was saying, he was incredibly harsh. There was not a single time when he treated us as more than disposable weapons.'

I sighed and leaned back, staring up at the cloudless sky. 'When we were not sent on impossible missions, we were training ourselves into the ground. We had no facilities whatsoever. We were only allowed a few hours of sleep every night. But that was not the worst part.'

I glanced at the commander before returning my gaze to the sky. His expression was serious. 'Commander Kurosu valued his 100% mission completion statistic above all else. We were required to throw everything we had at the enemy. If we were injured, we were told to get stronger. Any injuries we sustained were left to heal on their own. If we did not complete a mission to his standard, we were punished. Looking back on it, it was more like torture.'

Now the commander was also watching the sky. Clouds were starting to form. 'He did whatever he wanted to us. He would starve us. He would beat us. He would even peel our nails off.' The commander gasped even though he probably came to this conclusion already. 'I don't think Taihou has many left. That's why some of us wear fake nails; to hide our lack of real ones. Only Takao, Izumo and I don't wear any.'

After pausing for a few seconds, I felt the commander's hand on mine. 'Taihou, Takao and Ayanami had it the worst. We all received the same punishments but those three received more. Thanks to this treatment, we all closed off. Became introverted. Except for Taihou. She snapped and... you know the rest. We all dealt with Commander Kurosu in our own ways; Ayanami developed a gaming addiction, Takao devoted herself to her sword, Izumo shut herself off from everyone more than the rest of us, Kaga became very short-tempered, Taihou spiralled further and I...'

With a sigh, I said, 'I don't know what I did. I guess you could say I persevered. Tried to keep going for all our sakes.' Another pause. 'There was one thing he let us do. He let us have a hobby. At first, he tried to take them from us, but our performance decreased so he gave them back. That's why I usually read during my time off.'

The commander pulled me into a hug. I understood what he was trying to do. He wanted to comfort me. Help me deal with the pain. But I already did. I let all the pain out when I broke last night. Still, I let him hug me. Hesitantly, I tried hugging him back. Then I felt him pat my head, as if he was congratulating me on opening up and accepting him enough to be willing to return the hug.

We stayed like that for a while before pulling away from each other. 'Commander, you should do your work now.'

He sighed and responded, 'I guess I should. Will you be alright?'

I nodded before walking off. If I didn't leave first, he would've made up some excuse to stay. I can't blame him, though. I would if I were in his situation.

'Atago.'

'Yes, Kawakaze?'

'I understand why you like hugs so much.'