Suicide

Chapter 1

⚠️TW r*pe and suicide⚠️Suicide.Suicide's happen everyday.And my question is..Why?.Why do people commit suicide?.Well there are many reasons and i'm going to make this story about some of those reasons.The characters in this story aren't real and the main character will be the same person just in different situations so please don't get mad about that and just enjoy the story if you can.

Dear Diary...Hi I'm Ashley and i'm gonna tell you the story of my life.Today is April 17th 2004.Which means it's my birthday.Yay..I guess.Great.Just great.My mom decided it was a great idea to throw a party.My whole family is coming.That means my older cousin Jacob is coming..wonderful.My party is in a few hours.Right now it is 4am and im here awake wondering what to do and praying to god he's not there.I'll just invite lots of friends to keep me distracted so I won't have to talk to him.Yeah thats a good idea.I'll start texting them now.I need Kristen to come,if she doesn't what am I going to do?.Please Kristen answer me as soon as you wake up.She better respond when she wakes up.But right now i'm going to sleep

*The next day*.Well i need to check my messages..lets hope for the best.Kristen texted back!!. "Hey Ashley sorry I cant make it i'm going on a road trip but don't worry i'll be back by tomorrow" the text read.Wow thanks a lot for nothing Kristen.How about Kyle?Maybe he can come. "Hey Ash,of course i can come i might be a little late though but i'll be there don't worry". Hm okay Kyle is coming that's good he should be enough to distract me with all his jokes and pranks.Oh sh*t the party starts in half an hour and i'm not even f*cking ready.Gotta start now.Ashley goes to take a shower,gets dressed,does her hair and makeup just in time. *Knock knock knock*.Hm who is my first guest.Ashley goes downstairs to see who is at the door.Sh*t.It's Jacob.It'll be fine just try to ignore him.She opens the door.Hey!!.Ugh.Why did i say hey like that?Whatever lets just hope he doesn-.Hey Ashley!.Ugh of course he talks to me.Hello Jacob.What do you want?.Nothing just saying hey to my favourite cousin.God he is so irritating.I might end up killing him.Okay then.But Jacob,Where is Jane?. Jane? Oh my sister,yeah she couldn't make it she got stuck at work.Oh okay then that's a shame.Great now my favourite cousin wasn't even here thats just wonderful.*knock knock*.Who is here now?.Ashley!!.Kyle!!.Here i got you a present.Oo thank you mi amor.You're welcome mi vida.I then kissed him.Hopefully he's the one i'll marry.I love him so much.But do i have the courage to tell him what happened to me?No.Not yet anyways.And definitely not today.Good thing he wasn't late.Well not too late but whatever.Let's just get this party started.I am 18 now so i can drink as much as I want so it's shot time baby!.Hey mom can i try one?.Sure dear but be careful it kinda stings.I'll be fine.I grabbed a shot out of her hand and just drank it as if it's water.Wow not bad.Mom was right.It does sting.But not as much as I thought.Can i have another one?.That was the best day ever.I had so many shots and a lot of Tequila and Beer just alcohol.My uncle asked if i wanted to try a cigarette.Me being drunk i said yes but started coughing so bad.Everything was fine until everyone went home or to bed.Kyle stayed over.Well he had to considering he passed out on the couch.I stayed up looking at him.He's so pretty.I forgot jacob was still here. "You're still here?" I asked. "Yeah,got a problem with that princess?". I paused for a moment.Sat there silently until i muttered out "no" in a deep type of voice. "Good" he said that with sort of a smirk on his face. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Things started to get uncomfortable. "Because you're so beautiful i mean god i wish we weren't cousins". That's creepy..but i just moved on and said "Well we are so heh". That didn't stop him though. He came closer to me.He whispered in my ear. "You wanna". I pushed him away as i told him to get off me.He refused.He grabbed me tight by the arms and dragged me down to my basement locking the door making sure no one could hear. "Listen to me little girl,If you don't do as your told you'll be punished,do you understand?".I didn't know what to say.I just started tearing up.He ignored it and he pinned me down and started to undress me and himself. I knew what was going to happen. I was about to get r*ped. I just need to stay calm and don't make a sound. "I love the way your body looks and feels" he said as he licked his lips. I wanted to cry. I tried to get out of it but I couldn't. It was to late. He started to touch me all over and kiss my neck leaving hickeys. I was miserable. I wanted to die. He told me i better keep quiet and try not to mo*n. I tried i really did. But I couldn't help it. My body made me do it. I felt like such an idiot. As i was mo*ning he asked "you like that huh?". I simply didn't answer and tried to stop. It worked for a while. He eventually stopped and said he's gonna go home. I nodded and said okay. He put all his clothes back on and before he left he took a picture of me naked. I was crying my eyes out. I quickly got dressed and ran back upstairs to where my boyfriend was. I tried to wake him up but it didn't seem to work. I tried and tried but nothing. I tried one last time and he finally woke up. "Mi amor,Qué pasa?". I was crying so hard. I wanted to scream. I finally told him. He seemed so mad. I asked him to calm down and worry about it in the morning or sometime tomorrow.He agreed and asked if i wanted some water or would like to get some rest.I simply just said yes and cried myself to sleep.When i woke up it was bright out.Kyle was still sleeping.I wondered to myself.Why me?.Why did this happen to me?.Am i a sl*t?.I am aren't i?.I let this happen.How could i be so stupid?.I hate myself.I want to die.I should kms.And then it hit me.No one else was awake.I could just go out for a run.Yeah they won't know.After all it is for the best.Because I'm a big f*cking sl*t.I got dressed and went out.The highway wasn't far from here.I thought to myself.Should i jump?.I realised that only one person really cared.Nobody else.I felt so low.I thought over and over again and decided to do it.So after this sentence..i'll be dead..so goodbye everyone and um..it was nice knowing you</3