There's No Good

Fourty Six

Arden.
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"Or was befriending her another one of your father's missions?" His words ring in my ear.

"How..."

"Your father filled me in, so don't bother to." I feel nothing but raw anger. "You're a liar. You betrayed me, betrayed everyone here. Made us trust and love you, so you could use and steal from us." His voice was just as raw and just as angry.

"You're a hypocrite." I spit out. "Don't paint me as the bad guy, when you lied and did the same exact thing."

"What are you..."

"Gwen filled me in on everything, so don't bother to." I mock him. Something flashes in his eyes. The eyes that stared at me and told me they cared for me. I try to remember that day, remember everything he's told me since. "So when you told me you loved me more than you were supposed to, you were serious?" It was more of a statement then a question.

He didn't answer me, but I took his silence as a yes. Hurt, that's what I felt most strongly right now. It was supposed to love me. How could I have been so blind to not realize his word's meaning? He told me, but I didn't listen. How could I be so stupid?

My eyes sense movement, and snap in the direction of Carter and the men. They were closer than before, and all their hands were now holding weapons. I knew they had heard us.

"Was it worth it? Whatever your father made you take? Do you have it now?" He spits out. "Show me what he made you take, show me what was so damn worth it?" I don't know why I did, but I pulled out the gem to show him. Maybe he deserved that one last request.

He drops his sword and picks up something by his feet. He takes larger  steps towards me, lifting what he grabbed on the floor and pressing it to my chest. "You're the reason Gwen's dead. It's your fault, and it should only be fair you die by her knife."

I take a step back. I gasp when I feel the gust of wind on my back. I hadn't realized how close I was to the edge. I hear the water, wild and thrashing.

The edge.

It was as if the gods froze time so that I'd have a chance to think about my choices.

They all know what I had done. Do I let them take me back and treat me as the villain I proved to be? Do I fight and get back to my father with the last piece to bring my mother back?

Or do I simply fall?Fall into the sweet abyss of death.

Death means not having to choose. I would not have to pick between evil and good. I do not have to face the burden of picking right and wrong.

I look at Will. Me and him, standing face to face on the battle field. Everyone's shouts and cries seem to have faded away.

All I saw was him.

I look at the boy I had learned to love and hate. The one that would be my biggest mistake.

His eyes weren't filled with the tenderness they had nights before.

It broke me to think that he cared for me. It broke me to think that I had cared for him.

I hated him. I hated that he didn't realize why I needed to do what I had done. I hated that he hated me. I hated that he lied and betrayed me.

I looked at the hero, knowing what he was thinking.  Knowing that he thought he was looking at a villain.

No, I never was the villain.

I was the hero in my story.

   A hero fights for what the believe in, does what they think they should. I did that.

   He is my villain.

   I freeze in realization. How did I not realize this before? I laugh, watching the thin line between good and evil blend together.

   How didn't I realize? None of us were bad, yet none of us were good.

   We were whatever we thought we were. Because where I'm the villain in his story, he is mine. Yet somehow I loved him anyway.

I let a sigh out, "I'm tired."

"Then stop fighting." He says, looking back at his men.

"And let you take me?" I laugh, "No."

"I'm not letting you go."

"Why?" I ask. "I'm not going back." I know what I wanted him to say. I wanted him to tell me he needs me, loves me. Wants me to stay and that he will forgive everything I did.

But he wouldn't be able to, and I wouldn't be able to forgive him.

"I'm not letting you take it." He says referring to the gem in my hand. I try not to show the disappointment in my face. Here I was again, being naive and hopeful. Traits that my father always told me would be the end of someone. "I'll kill you if that means stopping them from getting it." And if the words before didn't hurt, those cut me like a knife.

"Then kill me." Please kill me, I wanted to say. Because I was tired, and I couldn't live with myself and the choices I had left left. Give him it, and let my mother forever be gone. Or fight, and most likely have him and others dead at my feet. But I knew out of the two choices which one I would pick. I wasn't going back.

"I will."

I laugh a tired laugh, "Kill me." I say again. "Because if I were the one with the knife, you'd already be dead."

"I will." He said again, confliction in his eyes. I knew he was saying those words trying to convince himself more than me. "Was this your plan? To turn me into the bad guy, we'll good job you succeeded. Fuck." He yells, this time dropping the knife to the floor. "Why can't I do it?" He had let me win. Even at the end, after everything I had done, he had let me win.

I look at the dropped knife, quickly picking it up and pressing it against his heart. One slight move and the knife would be pierced into his heart.

His heart, one move and it would be over. His heart, I knew the victory would cost me my own. I'd have to accept the price of loving a boy I'd known I should of hated.

I knew I would never be his hero. There was no question in that. But what I never would of guessed was that he would be my villain.

Maybe in the next life we could be something great.

I made the sucking realization that what I was about to do meant no more love, but that love was already over. It also meant no more pain, and that's the only thing I felt.

I look behind my shoulder. The rocky water that was wild and unforgiving before, seemed quieter. Calming. I could swear I heard it calling for me, and I wanted nothing more to answer. So I did.

"No!" I hear a shout of anguish leave his lips. I sigh, closing my eyes with the last image of him reaching towards me. He was too late.

I fall back, after muttering the last words I'd ever say.

"You were a villain in my story, just as much as I was in yours."
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