Vivian

⚠️Content Warning⚠️
this short story contains elements of death, murder, obsession, and stalking in detail. please don't read if this could make you uncomfortable in any capacity.

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    The world is a dangerous place. I myself was more than aware of that. At the mere age of seven all of my family was dead in what the reports called a ‘freak accident’. I still remember being trapped in my sister's room, watching the flames get closer, hearing their screams of agony as they were engulfed in the ravenous blaze. My parents died in the house, and my sister died in the hospital hours later. I don't remember much about them, other than the happiness that was stolen away from me in those 24 hours, and continued to elude me as I settled in at a new school at a foster home, hours away from all of my friends. The first friend I made there, Eddie, took his own life months after we became friends, after his older brother was swiftly escorted into death’s sweet embrace by a disease I can’t quite recall.
    It was for these reasons it always surprised me that everyone else could continue with their life as if they weren’t in danger of losing it. My gaze naturally sought out Vivian, the love of my life, although she didn’t know it yet. Joy washed across her face, pure and untainted, as she laughed at a joke her friends were making, but I was just out of earshot. Vivian looked fragile, her porcelain features were perfectly arranged, and I knew how easy it would be for someone to break her. One hint of disease, and her small frame would crumble with the effort of fighting off death. She had gotten sick 7 times so far that year, and recovered each time, but she might not be so lucky next time. There were a thousand different ways to die, and none seemed exactly pleasant, and the knowledge that she would inevitably experience one of those was terrifying.
    Vivian must have felt my eyes on her, as she turned to meet my gaze. A brief look of confusion flashed across her beautiful face. A pang of fear infected the love I felt in that moment of eye contact. Of course I was in love with her, but I was deathly afraid of speaking to her. I was terrified to make a fool of myself or do something wrong, so I just froze up and refrained from speaking to her. It was hard, but it was for the best.
    The momentary eye contact was interrupted by the shill ringing of the bell, dismissing all of us from class. A dull murmur of conversation arose as students began collecting their things. I slowly packed my belongings back into my bag, making a point to slow down that way Vivian could leave before me.
     There was an increased rate of crime in town this week, so I started following her home, so I could make sure she got there safely. Not that there was much I would be able to do against a potential attacker, I wasn’t particularly strong or agile. I could be easily overpowered by another man, given that they weren’t smaller than me. However I don’t believe it would be reasonable to attack someone while they were near other people.
    Throwing my backpack over my shoulder, I watched as she walked out of the school, and followed her through the door. She threw a glance or two in my direction, but I didn’t think much of it. I followed her past groups of friends on the lawn of the school. The idea of sitting around and talking to the other students made me feel sick. What pleasure did they get from wasting their precious time with meaningless conversations?
    I kept my distance from Vivian as I trailed behind her, I didn’t want her to notice me, I just wanted to know she was safe. It was a bit odd to me when she turned left at the first crosswalk, she always kept going, why was today any different? She took a few more seemingly random directions before coming to a complete stop and turning around.
    “Can I help you? Why are you following me?” Vivian asked, making eye contact with me again. Thoughts of panic filled my head as I tried to figure out what to say. I wanted to say the truth, I love you Vivian, and I want to make sure you get home safely, but my mouth felt numb, and no words came out.
    “Excuse me? I’m talking to you, you’ve been following me, and it's creepy!” she raised her voice a bit. The panicked thoughts were immediately halted by one of hurt. Creepy? I was just protecting her, how is that creepy?
The moment of hurt fueled the one thought I was able to utter, “Because I love you.”
    A look of horror twisted her soft face, “Love me? I don't even know you! Please stay away from me,” she turned away from me, and I reached out to grab her wrist.
    “Vivian I want you to be safe, you’re fragile,” now that I had started talking, the words came flowing through my mouth just as quickly as they formed in my head.
    “Sir, I’m going to call the police if you don't let me go, please, you’re scaring me,” she retorted, her voice wobbled with a tinge of fear. The police? Why would she call the police on me? I just want to help. If she calls the police I won’t be able to protect her, they’ll keep me away from her. I can’t let that happen, if I can't protect her, how will she be saved from pain?
    “Just hear me out, Viv, I don't want you to get hurt,” I tried my best to talk my way out of it, but she seemed to only be getting more worked up.
    “No, get away, I’m not going to tell you again!” she started fumbling through her pockets with her other hand for her phone, but her panic was making it a struggle. I reached forward and pulled it from her jacket pocket. I had noticed she tended to keep it in that pocket.
    “Let me protect you,” my voice lowered a bit as she reached for the device in my hand. I still had a hand around her wrist, preventing her from walking away.
    “No! You’re a creep, please I just want to go home,” tears started to well up in her eyes. Was she really this afraid of me? How am I supposed to protect her if she’s afraid?
    “It’s okay Vivian,” I tried to reassure her and pull her into a hug, but she was fighting it.
    A man turned the street corner and made eye contact with her. If he sensed her fear, he might try to take her from me. I was finally getting to talk to her, this man was not going to ruin it for me, not if I could help it.
    “Come with me,” I offered, although it was more of a command than an option as I pulled her along behind me.
I brought her to a smaller section of the street where people rarely visited. Here we could be alone and I would have a chance to explain myself to her.
    “Vivian please, just hear me out,” I began, “I love you, I have for a while, I just wanted to protect you, please don’t hate me for caring,” I kept a grip on her wrist, but I loosened it a bit.
    “No, I don't want your help, what about that doesn't make sense to you?!” Vivian was raising her voice slightly, a bit of anger peaking through in her tone. Did she really not want my protection? What if something bad happened to her, and she was put through pain? If I couldn't protect her, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, all of my plans revolved around her.
    Kill her.
    No, why was I thinking like that? I was supposed to protect her from dying, that would be the opposite of the point.
    She can’t die painfully if she dies peacefully first.
    This newfound voice had a good point. If I killed her gently, she couldn't be killed or hurt anymore. My gaze slid upward to meet hers again, and the fear in her eyes gave me all the reasoning I needed. I couldn’t protect her if she was afraid.
    I pulled her closer by her wrist, and this time I didn’t stop when she started to fight it.
    “Shh, it’ll be okay, Viv,” I forced her into my arms, and held her there for a moment. At least I was getting to show my love beforehand.
    “What are you doing?” she asked, surprisingly calmly.
    “Just trust me, alright?” I knew it was a lot to ask, she was scared and didn’t understand my love, and she probably wasn’t going to, but it was worth a shot. Before she could answer I released her from my arms, and brought a hand to her shoulder.
    “I'm sorry, my love, but if I can't protect you, I can’t let you get hurt, no matter what I have to do,” before I could question my motive, I shifted my hands to the base of her throat, and began to gently put pressure on her windpipe. Vivians eyes widened and she began to claw at my hands. Her throat felt like it was pulsing against my hands with a futile effort to breathe. The unfiltered panic displayed on her perfect features was bittersweet, and joined by hot tears.Whether they were tears of joy, or tears of pain was beyond me, but I could only hope they were tears of joy at my act of service. I was saving her future pain, and she had to recognize that, right? The desperate, helpless look almost made me want to stop and let her breathe, and do it over again so I could see it for the first time all over again, but that would be distressing, and I didn’t want her to be in more pain than she needed to be in. There was a miniscule euphoria, despite the fact that I was strangling the love of my life to death. Vivian’s face was turning slightly blue from lack of oxygen, and the veins and arteries on her neck were more prominent than before. Her eyes were unfocused as she started to shut down.
    Her body began to relax in my hands as she fell unconscious. I held on for another minute or so for good measure, but time felt incredibly slow, so I couldn’t quite tell how long it had been.
    I allowed her limp figure to fall into my arms, and I gently lowered her to the ground.
    “It’s alright, love, you won’t have to feel pain anymore,” I reassured.
    The adrenaline fuelled by my actions was slowly wearing off, and the gravity of the situation was settling in. Had she felt any pain? It was my goal to prevent her from feeling pain, it would be counterproductive if I had caused it. I tried to shake these thoughts from my head, it was my head that told me to do it after all, why wasn’t it praising me for a job well done?
    Had I done the right thing? The police would surely come for me when they find out what I’ve done, they wouldn't understand why I did it. No-one would believe me that it was for the best. I looked down at the body of my beloved, and knew I had to be with her, even if it cost my own life as well.