Wish You Were Here

Chapter 12

A few days later, you're in a bar with your friends celebrating a birthday. It's a relatively small affair – the birthday girl, your eternally thirsty friend, has just invited your usual gang of four – but it quickly becomes apparent that she has an ulterior motive. "You know what we should play?" she says. "Never have I ever."

"Oh, I hate this game," your best friend says. "I haven't done anything."

"You start, then."

"Never have I ever had a one night stand with a stranger." The rest of you drink. "See?" she cries. 

"I always lose."

You know just how to set her up. "Never have I ever fucked a pair of brothers."

"Oh, fuck you." She drinks, and the other two burst into laughter.

"We are definitely going to need some context for that one," says your engaged friend. "Do they know you've been with both of them?"

Your best friend is so embarrassed. "One of them does. I'm not sure if he ever told the other one."

"My turn." The birthday girl leans forward. "Never have I ever gotten engaged."

"What a basic question," your engaged friend comments as you both drink. But then it's her turn and she comes out with an even more basic question. "Never have I ever used someone else's toothbrush."

You drink. In the early days with the actor, you used his a few times. Now you keep your own toothbrush in his hotel.

"Gross!" yells your best friend.

You shrug. "Better than not brushing them at all."

She narrows her eyes at you. "Never have I ever slept with someone more than ten years older than me."

You and your thirsty friend both drink. She frowns at you as she lowers her glass. "How old is that guy you've been seeing?" she asks.

"A little older." You lick your lips to stop yourself from grinning, trying to hold a straight face. "Next question?"

"It's your turn."

"Oh." You think about it. "Never have I ever cheated on a partner." You are the only one who doesn't drink. You know none of them have done it recently, but it's still disappointing. "You people are sick," you tell your friends.

"Hey," says the birthday girl, "we're all going to hell."

You haven't done anything worse than premarital sex, though, to be fair, you have had a lot of it lately. "Why am I going?"

"Never have I ever texted my mom while I had someone's dick in my mouth."

That was so long ago it had happened with your ex, when you were messaging her to say his game had run overtime while you were fooling around in the backseat of his car. But it is one of your funniest memories, and you laugh now that you've been reminded of it. You drink.

You go around the table a few more times, then break for you and your engaged friend to go to the bar and order two cocktail jugs so you can play without stopping for lots of refills. "How's that boyfriend of yours?" she asks you.

"He's not my boyfriend." The word tastes weird in your mouth. "We're just hooking up." You neglect to tell her that he's paid for you to fly out to LA with him. That certainly does not feel like you're just hooking up.

"Did he have a nice Christmas?"

"Yeah," you say. "He went home to his parents' house for the holidays."

"Oh yeah? Where are they from?"

"Uh, I can't remember."

She looks at you sideways. "You really need to start practicing lying in front of the mirror. Why is that something you can't tell me?"