My Beating Heart

Chapter 24 - Her unhealed heart

The house was completely engulfed in graveyard silence when he entered it. A pang of loneliness hit him hard. 

Ashwin had always been a person who finds solace in himself.  At the age of 14, he joined one of the famous boarding schools which specializes in training its students to get ready for medical entrances.  From that day, till today, he had always been alone and independent. He had neither expected anyone to be with him nor felt pity for himself for being alone. He was happy where he was, but then she came in his life and changed everything, 

He sat on the sofa, too tired to even change, his stomach grumbled begging him to take care of it, he knew there would be nothing to eat. 

He is not a narrow minded person who expects his wife to wait for him with three course meal everyday, feed him and eat after him from his plate,  but on days like today, his heart really yearned for at least a curd rice on the dining table. He looked at the direction of her room, the lights were off indicating that she had already fallen asleep.

"Dei feel panninadhu podhum da, andha curd rice at least enakku kudu da" his stomach grumbled.

"5 minutes, just 5 minutes" he told himself and leaned against the sofa and closed his eyes.

A series of continuous moaning sounds woke Ashwin from his sleep, he opened his groggy eyes and looked around, the clock indicated that the 5 minutes had become 2 am in the morning. He let out a huge sigh and tried to get up ignoring the sharp pain in his neck that came because of sleeping in an awkward posture.

He cracked his neck and started walking towards his room when that sound came again, the soft moans. He looked around and found that it was coming from Sivaangi's room, he walked towards her room confused and there it was again, but as he moved closer it sounded more like a whimper than a moan.

"Sivaangi, Sivaangi" he called for her knocking on the door, but there was no response instead he just heard some babbles along with those whimper.

"Sivaangi, I am coming inside" he announced and opened the door.

It took some time for his eyes to adjust to the darkness inside, but once did,  her saw her, hugging her pillow, crunched in a weird position, her mumbles becoming more and more audible.

He switched on the light and saw her eye ball shifting inside her eye lids, forehead frowned in tension and lips continuing to mumble something,  clearly indicating that she was having a bad dream.

"Sivaangi ma, inga paaru, open your eyes, it is nothing, just a bad dream, enna paaru da please" he said softly tapping on her shoulders.

"I didn't know., I didn't know, I am sorry, I didn't know" she continued to cry in her sleep, her words getting clearer, yet eyes still closed.

"What you didn't know ma? " he asked sitting next to her.

"I wouldn't have if I had known, you hid it from me, why would you  do that? I am sorry again, I promise, I didn't know" her ramblings continued while her face twisted in at most agony and pain.

"Seri okay vidu paathukalaam" he tried consoling her not knowing what she was rambling about.

"I am sorry amma, appa , I didn't mean to I swear, if you had just told me, I am 12 amma, I would have understood, please look at me, look at me once, say that you forgave me please " she screamed trying to wake the pillow in her hands.

That is when Ashwin understood what was happening, she was reliving her parents death and some thing has happened that had made her guilty of their death.

"Don't leave me alone amma, please ma, please ma, enakku bayamma irukku ma, appa appa, enna paaru pa please pa, naan romba sorry pa, enkitta rendu perume marachiteengale pa, please please don't leave me alone here" she continued to scream, tears dropping from her closed eye lids.