The Heart Wants

The Inner Struggles

"Trina? Did you hear me? Trina?"

Looking up from her textbook, Trina smiled apologetically at her classmate Roger. "I'm sorry, just spaced out for a bit."

"It's okay, you are pretty busy these days, can totally understand." he replied.

She nodded as Roger went on to ask, "If you have time later this week, I - we'd love to have you join us for pizza after class."

The hopefulness in his eyes only made Trina feel worse. "I'm sorry, but this week I can't. Raincheck?"

"Yeah, sure." He leaned in toward Trina, causing her to back away slightly. "I better get going then."

"See you later Roger." she smiled brightly as he turned to walk away.

That was the second time he asked me to meet the rest of the class out this week...

After jotting down a few last minute notes, Trina closed her Art textbook and stood up to leave. She loved being a student at PCU, but as she walked through the halls today, a new feeling began to take root in each step. All day, no matter how much Trina tried not to, her thoughts went back to Spencer at the gallery. Seeing him stare down at her, as her hand slowly made its way up to his chest.

His lips looked so soft...

Though before she could find out just how soft Spencer's lips were, Esme called out to him. That moment remained on loop in her head for days now. Trina was surprised she was able to get anything else done, as her mind returned to the feel of his hands in hers, the day before he left to serve his month sentence. She was left wondering a series of what ifs.

What if the trip to the cabin hadn't ended early?

What if I hadn't deleted his texts?

The main question on Trina's mind was the one that sent a shiver down her spine. 

What if we hadn't been interrupted at the gallery?

As much as she hated admitting it, Trina wanted to kiss Spencer. Even though she knew that he had a girlfriend. She wasn't proud of this fact, but it was the truth. A truth she wanted to keep to herself. So when Cam and Joss told her yesterday that they were going to visit Spencer next week, Trina immediately said she was too busy to join them. But what was she suppose to say?

Oh, sure, I'll go with you guys to Pine Ridge. Even though Spencer and I totally almost made out. Can't wait to make the visit awkward with a capital 'A' by trying not to stare at what I missed out on!

Finally outside, Trina let the cool air whip through her curls as she closed her eyes. "Yeah, not going to visit him is for the best."

Now all she had to do was convince herself of that fact.

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He shouldn't have been surprised to not see Trina, but Spencer couldn't help it. Now that he'd been at Pine Ridge for 11 days, 2 hours, and 53 minutes, he allowed himself to hope that she'd join the others for their visit.

"Hey! So glad you two came." Spencer forced out as Joss and Cam sat down at his table.

Esme, on her way out after her shift, stopped by, "Oh wow! I wasn't expecting to see you two here."

"It's not like we're here to see you." Joss said, smiling sweetly between Spencer and his girlfriend.

He looked on as Esme ignored Joss' comment to ask a question of her own. "What, no Trin?"

"She had a lot of studying to do, so she couldn't make it." Cam explained.

"That's too bad. Would have been nice to see the whole musketeer set before I left." Esme reached out to take Spencer's hand, and he almost shivered from how cold her touch felt. "Same time tomorrow?"

"I'll be here." Spencer said.

The trio watched as she walked away. He almost laughed at how quick Josslyn rolled her eyes. "What, no Trin?" Joss mimicked in a nasal voice, causing Cam to snort. "Can she be any more obvious?"

Not wanting to waste their visiting time talking about his girlfriend, Spencer asked about their week. Just hearing news, no matter how mundane, about anything outside of the prison he was in, made Spencer feel better. Though the time between them passed by quickly, and he watched as Cam stood. "Joss, we have to get going."

"But we'll see you again next week, okay?" Joss told him.

They each gave him a hug before leaving.

I guess I should head back to my room...

Spencer turned around to make his way back to his cell, until he heard someone call out his name. With his heart in his throat, Spencer slowly turned around and watched as Trina walked toward him.

"Hi."

"Hi."

The two stared at one another until Spencer pulled out the chair closest to him and waited for her to sit. He then sat down next to Trina and smiled. "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I know, but ...I wanted to see you. To say hi." Trina explained.

He didn't care why she changed her mind, only that she did. Looking around the room and not seeing anyone that Esme had worked with that day, Spencer reached out for Trina's hand and sighed as she accepted his.

"How are you holding up?" she asked.

With his eyes on hers, Spencer smiled genuinely for the first time in days. "Better now, with you here."

He watched as she lowered her head and glanced his way before quickly looking away.

"I have so much to say, but right now, I just want to say thank you."

Trina's eyes made their way to his before she raised an eyebrow. "Why are you thanking me?"

"For coming to see me today. I know you're busy, so thanks for making time for me."

"I'm never too busy for a friend."

The two smiled as Spencer covered Trina's hand with both of his. He wanted to say more, but couldn't bring himself to. At least not for another 19 days.

I'll tell her everything then.