Daydreaming

Do I dare ask?

Ever since I was little I have always wanted to know more about my dad. Where was he? Where did he go? Why did he leave? Did I do something? But it seemed as if my mom never wanted to look back. Because every single time I asked her, she had always said "not right now. That's not important or he's gone, that's all you need to know." But I need to know more. It wasn't fair. He's my dad, I have the right to know what happened, right? Either way I was determined to figure out who he was and where he was now. Where do I even begin? Do I even ask my mom? Do I google his name? The last thing I need is for his obituary to come up. I don't want to find out that way.
The only thing I could think of doing was just talking to my mom. It couldn't be that bad could it? I would just tell her that I am curious and that if she doesn't give me the information I am looking for, I would have to find it elsewhere. Ancestory.com came to my mind. When do I ask her? Lately, it seems as if she is always in a bad mood. Surely a period couldn't last that long, could it? And I don't want my step dad to be home. He would make a big deal about it, and at the moment, that's the last thing that I need. All I need is to know where my dad is. I miss him. A lot. Even thought I don't know who he is, I'm sure he is amazing. As a kid, when I asked my mom about him, she always said "he loves you and that's all that matters." But if he loves me, where is he?