lungs. // larry au

prologue

i was in my office, pen between my lips as i stared at the paper with dark ink in front of me, before i got a phone call.

but to back this up a little, let me share some things, make this a bit more interesting.

i was a writer, i wrote novels. it all started when i was young, my love to write. my mother gave me a journal at a young age, to express myself. i then soon fell in love with reading and writing, finding myself at the library very often.

i actually met louis at a library. i was looking for a certain book, and he worked there at the time. he had a fluffy fringe and nice smile, his thick glasses on the collar of his shirt.

he greeted me with a raspy 'hello' and a warm smile. i shook his hand and was fascinated with his many tattoos. even though i had a few myself.

he eventually asked me to go on a coffee date, to talk about our professions and what we have in common when it comes to literature and other things we enjoy.

i learned that he could play the piano and that he was learning guitar. he told me he loved to sing, but only when he was alone. he thought his voice was rubbish but i thought it was lovely.

not to make it long, we started dating and eventually got engaged-just recently actually. i was soon to be harry tomlinson. i was really excited.

but one day, the world changed.

i get a phonecall from my doctor. i assumed it was about another checkup because i have been going quite frequently due to my awful cough that sometimes had blood, chest and rib pains, wheezing and my dramatic weight loss. but, i declined it. not being important to what i was focused on.

he then calls again, so i answered.

he tells me that my results have come in, my diagnosis of my terrible cough.

louis always scoffed and told me it was just strep, and that i was wasting my money trying to find "answers".

i always brushed him off, having a sinking feeling it was more than just "strep". what if it was something serious? deadly even? i wanted to find out.

it was rather late, almost 7pm. louis was out with his friends, but i shot out a text to him anyway, just in case he came home before i did.

i made my way to my car and buckled up, playing coldplay on my way to the hospital.

once i got there, he sat me down in a room, adjusting his coat before clearing his throat and giving me the news.

the words he told me played over and over in my head and it gave me a such a headache. i couldn't believe it. i couldn't wrap myself around the fact that i was going to die.

soon.

my lungs have become weak, full of smoke.

but it is not i who smoke cigarettes, but the love of my life and world. louis.

that was one thing i didn't like about my louis. he always smoked.

he told me he'd stop.

but maybe it's not all lou's fault.

i do have asthma, and there are a lot of people who smoke outside the library but in the end, im stuck with lung cancer.

my doctor told me i would need to either get admitted to the hospital as soon as possible and try to get better, or just live the rest of my life which wouldn't be that long. i told him that i would give him a call the next morning on my decision. i needed to talk to louis first.

i gave him a soft smile, and he gave me a tight hug. i hugged him back and walked back to my car in the rather cold weather. i unlock the doors and sit inside, turning on the heaters and breathing into my hands.

it didn't take long after that until the tears began to fall down my cheeks.

i could only let the tears fall, if i would have cried or sobbed, i would start coughing and having chest pains.

i pinched my nose and breathed heavily, attempt to stop the tears.

silent tears rolled down my cheeks as i drove back to our home. i quickly blinked or wiped them away, not wanting my vision to be blurry on the road.

all i could think about is louis. our future that we always wanted. having children and being fathers. growing old with each other.

once those thoughts came in, the tears came out. i couldn't contain my sadness and anger and all of the emotions building up inside me.

i pulled over and gripped the steering wheel, making my knuckles white. i cried uncontrollably, which led to me coughing out blood into my hands and pains in my chest.

i eventually gained steady breathing again and made my way back home, not prepared of what is to come.