Deal With It

Last (and first?) Kiss

She absolutely knew this was wrong. It was a horrible, selfish, backstabber thing to do. Too bad those were all things Wanda considered herself to be. She was a sickening burden people just couldn't wait to get rid of (or just flat-out leave). Wanda didn't expect much out of people anymore, or out of herself. Lack of motivation to do anything in her dreary life caused her to spiral often. Which circled back to Wanda usually being alone, not that she was complaining. Alone used to be something she was afraid of. Losing people Wanda let in or even went as far to say "loved," which was something she very rarely did, wasn't easy for her. Why bare your soul to someone who wouldn't do the same to you? Over time, she had learned that being alone wasn't really all that bad. Even when the relationship was mutual, most people ended up leaving Wanda to fend for herself (her parents, Pietro, the girl who doesn't deserve the time of day, etc, etc). All of this taught her to build an intense defense system. It wasn't Wanda's fault, it was her way of sheltering herself from all of the trauma the world had in store for her. Mechanisms that made life just a little bit easier, even if it meant it was harder for her to make those connections others so desperately grasped for.

Anyway, back to whatever Wanda was wrecking now. With everything that had been happening lately, she's hardly been in her right state of mind, whatever that was for her. The "Natasha Situation," as Agatha liked to call it, being the main source of her instability. Wanda's psyche was already fragile enough and now, with all of her older memories tearing through, it looked like the aftermath of a really rough hurricane. The girl's patience with Natasha was already wearing thin. The structure of their relationship happened to be crumbling before the fake dating nonsense, but now it felt as if a light breeze could topple the entire facade. The worst in Wanda was being brought out. She had to put on this act every single time she stepped into that godforsaken classroom, which just leeched everything out of her for the rest of the day.

Wanda had begun to take it out on the people around her- which essentially means Agatha, who doesn't deserve to have to deal with one ounce of her shitty personality. She had never understood why Agatha decided to stick around. She was a colossal bitch to almost everyone but with Wanda, it was completely different. She actually cared about her, and in a 'more than a friend' way. Wanda believed she could care about Agatha that way too- not that she didn't now. She just didn't want to subject Agatha to all of the emotional crap she was carrying around with her-which was exactly why Wanda made the hard decision of isolating herself. Last time she and Agatha spent time together, they were too close, too intimate. And Wanda just couldn't bring herself to string her along while she dealt with all of her own unresolved feelings for another. That wasn't fair to Agatha, not after she put up with Wanda for so long.

Wanda quickly spotted the dark-haired girl crossing the street to their favorite spot- the old diner just a few blocks away.

"Hey! Wait up, I wanna talk to you real quick," Wanda yelled as loud as she could. Agatha stopped as soon as she heard the voice she recognized so easily.

"Were you following me? Wanda! I can't believe you missed me that much," Agatha teased.

"Shut up," she whispered as she pulled Agatha into a tight hug- which was weird right off the bat cause Wanda 'never does hugs.'

"Wait. Are you alright?" Agatha questioned before returning the embrace just as fiercely. Wanda didn't answer until she removed herself from the other's grasp. Instead, she reached up and met their lips together. It was simple and sweet, but passionate all at the same time. The kiss didn't last very long before Wanda broke away. Neither girl dared to break the loving gaze between the two, although all good things must come to an end. And so, Wanda finally brought herself to do what she had promised herself all along.

"I love you, and I know that you love me back, but I just can't drag you into the mess that my life is right now. Every part of me is screaming to let you go, because I hate the person I've been lately. It's not right to leave you with the parts of me even I resent while the rest of my effort goes to someone else." Wanda confessed whilst drying off the tears that taunted her.

"So- So what? You come to our hangout spot, hug me, kiss me, and then tell me you're completely done with our relationship? That you've given up trying?" Agatha chastised.

"I am trying! I'm telling you that you deserve better than the mess of a person I am! Why don't you get that? I'm trying to save you from having to put up with it. Meanwhile, I'm off 'fake dating' someone I have unresolved feelings for!"

"Oh wow! Another bump in the road because of her. It is so obvious that you don't give a fuck about anyone else. You won't even let yourself try another romantic relationship because you know the second she lets you back into her life, you'll disregard everyone but her. Meanwhile, who was there when she completely dumped your ass and wanted nothing to do with you? Oh yeah, me!" Agatha scoffed.

"This is exactly why I thought that we should just put a pause in our relationship. At least until I can figure out what's going on with me."

"You still don't get it! People can't just put a pause in a real relationship. Not without wondering if the other person will still be there after you deal with your shit," Wanda's tears were completely out of her control now and her eyes looked incredibly bloodshot.

"I know," Wanda whispered.

"But I guess that's just a risk you're willing to take. Only for certain people though, right?" And with that, Agatha turned around and started off onto the street. Wanda's sobs were loud and defiant. Usually, she was able to get her emotions under control fairly quickly- or just hide them under everything else. This time though, it was completely uncontainable. She sat there on the sidewalk as the rain started. The walk home was long and exhausting. Although, that was the least of what Wanda believed she deserved after what she had just done. Destroying one of her last friendships was something that she didn't think she could ever forgive herself for.

As soon as she stepped inside, she ravaged the house for any alcohol she could find- it's not like her aunt was ever home anyways. The only thing Wanda stumbled upon was some old bottle of tequila her family had barely touched. She quickly downed some of it and traveled the rest of the way to her room. The bed felt empty and abandoned without the usual embrace of the other girl, but that was just one more thing Wanda would have to learn to live with. Whatever, hopefully her favorite feeling of numbness would visit her soon enough.