It hurt like hell when i realised that you just lost feelings
i was ugly as fuck, still am
im sorry for having the audacity to be with you or even love you
i realised, you also werent too pretty
still arent
your height helps you a lot, i never looked at your height though
i loved your smile. your very not straight smile. your personality
i never cared about your appearance, facial stuff
all i liked were your eyes, and that was enough
you were right, your eyes do look like someone puked them on your face. but thats ok
as i said, the only thing that makes you mid-ugly is ur height, you would get 0 girls of you were a normal height. rn youre getting 1.
me.
how dumb could you be
every guy wishes he could be you, live your life
someone so ugly, yet so lucky
"look this girl swore to herself that he would be the only boy she would love" people whisper while you talk to me. i don't know why, but i am just like a dog for you. i will wait for you, even if it takes forever and even if we will always be friends.you are so dumb, a girl gives you so many chances of being with her, she is attractive . "look she has the perfect body. i would definitely date her" all the guys say
but she wants you
you made me feel things. i never had feelings before except sadness and rarely happiness. You saved me. You helped me live a normal life, you helped me recover and not be a social reject anymore. i am thankful and will do anything for you.
you arent handsome, nor perfect or smart. you just are. you exist
i dont know why i love you. no one gets it. not even me
i know you wish you had a normal life, just like other boys. you probably wish you didnt have a hoe caring about you and babying you.
you wish you werent loved. you were raised like that
your parents never really cared for you, you got used to being all by yourself and doing everything alone, so it seemed like you were destined to be alone forever. it was the perfect life for someone like you
but what some might call luck, you call misfortune. i appeared. a friend. we had things in common. a lot
we were the same person, different fonts. i still wasnt out of my shell, i was like a 3rd grader.
i adapted to be more like you. i was flirting without intent.
i didnt have feelings, i thought i was asexual.
maybw you waited for this time. a lot
maybe your whole life
you waited for someone that had ni knowledge about what a relationship is, so that they couldn't say no. they would have no idea what they were getting in.
how did it cone to your mind to ask me if i wanted to be your girlfriend?
are you really different from the typical boy? i told you i was in a gender crisis, that i wasn't sure i was a girl. i cut my hair short and looked like a piece of shit. you still asked me out
maybe you were just horny, maybe you made a bet with someone and lost, or maybe you just wanted to set the record for the first relationship in the class and the first kiss.
or maybe you just fell in love with my personality, but that cant be
not even in fairy tales
you did have something to get out of being with me
maybe you thought i would just not do anything, but because i didnt feel anything my whole life until then, i was a nymphomaniac. i did have more sexual desire than you.
i turned out to be good at a lot of things, that you thought i didnt know existed.
i know you were shocked, and felt stressed out
because i never felt anything before, i just showered you with affection and love.
you didnt like that, no-one ever did that to you. you felt like you didnt deserve that.
it was because of your family. you have always been neglected, and that will stick with you for the entirety of your life. and i am truly sorry
i also come from a not very caring family, but at least they haven't ALWAYS replaced love with money
but i wont talk about my childhood trauma right now
you know, when i started crying that one day in class, actually countless days. it was because of you. not because you hurt me or anything, but because i could see you degrade daily, getting more and more tired, and not only the type of tired that sleep could fix.
thats right, i knew you usually dont sleep for days, but it was different. i knew something inside was not ok. i felt like it was my fault. always.
i thought i was draining you, but what hurt more was the fact that you kept talking to me, and actually come back after a week or so when getting mad. That one day when i cried my eyeballs out, that was the day when you assigned the name "last online dd.mm.yyyy/hh.minmin" to your contact in my phone. The date was that day's date. At first glance, i thought you said that you wanted to tell me
that you didnt want to talk to me anymore. But after i texted you "ill beat you up" you said "does it matter if i die anyways?"
at that point i realised it wasnt shits and giggles anymore.
it was serious deep shit. i cried for 2 classes straight. chemistry and music.
in music class i went to the bathroom, and my "wife" came after me ti see what happened. it was clear as day that i was crying in class, and you just sat with your hand on your ass doing nothing, just staring at me. making it worse every second. the guilt surrounded me. it was pushing on my heart. i felt the need to take my life as well. but my friend saved me when she came in the bathroom. i will be forever grateful.
but after the day ended, when i went to pick ip a book i forgot in the classroom, you glasses were all over the place, out of their case. i instantly cried. i thought to myself "this must be your goodbye. it cant be"
i took them with me, cried the whole way back home. right when i opened the door to my room, i started hyperventilating. i was having a panic attack. how could you, take your life? if i had to choose one person that i wouldn't want to die, that would be you. there's no valid argument why, its just an instinct.
now, regarding what you did or what you wanted to do, i have no idea. i also dont know what went through your mind. but i do respect you for actually succeeding in scaring the shit out of me. i couldnt close an eye that night
i will always admire you for being able to hide anything, to seem careless, feelingless, almost as you were one of the dead. But i do know you better than myself. i learnt your psychology.
you try and seem strong, even if someone dies in front of you. you try to not get involved in stuff, you dont want to make your life harder. as i said in the beginning, you already were "unfortunate" in your eyes for finding me.
