Aberration

Interlude 2

Interlude

-Enter: Arash Shang-Kagami

I think that girl was the first person I'd ever fallen in love with. Let's see... I think I was maybe fifteen at the time, a freshman if I were attending formal school. Shiho was nineteen, my current age.

We were going for a walk in the woods, just she and I. I remember the smell of browned pine sap from the needles that had fallen from the trees and the comforting aroma of Shiho's sunbaked shrine maiden uniform. At the time, her hair was still suspended in a long ponytail like a samurai, but her hair was somewhat short in the front, kinda like a bowl cut. "We probably shouldn't wander too far away from the temple. The old man's gonna spank you for being a bad girl if we come home and you're dirty." I said. He and I weren't on particularly great terms, but he was my adoptive father... so I respect him to some degree...

"You say that as though Father has time to discipline his children, Rasha." She said in that stoic voice that bordered on coldness, but she'd always turn around to eye me with a warm smile. "Besides you, that is. The basement may as well be your new bedroom." she added. "Whatever."
"You should just take Father's training more seriously. He wants us both to inherit the entire fortune of the Kagami clan, including our fighting style. Just put those silly cartwheels and handstands to rest."
"Tch. Coming from the girl who doesn't have a Soul Word... I'm more advanced than you."
"Oh? Is that a challenge? Don't allow your fortune to make your mind grow conceited, little brother." She giggled with a toothy grin, holding her hands behind her back as she spun around to face me.

I've never really had a great grasp of what the word "family" meant. It was always a bit too abstract for me to fully understand: Senji and Vidja Shang were my biological parents, so aren't they my family? But Atsushi and Yayoi Kagami adopted me and raised me in the same capacity as my biological parents would. And now I have both a sister and a cousin who I live with. They treat me as though I were their own flesh and blood, so what differentiates these people from the people who conceived me? I don't know. I don't really have any friends because of where I can never leave the temple, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to make friends again, at least not without confusing them for family members.

Shiho Kagami is my sister, and yet she's a stranger. I love her platonically, yet I want to marry her. I don't know. Is that weird? I mean, it isn't like we grew up together from birth. From my point of view, it's not really incest since she's basically just some girl I met nine years into my life. It's no different from living with a next door neighbor or a family friend. Is that... weird? No, but she isn't just a neighbor or friend, she's my sibling... I don't know.

But on that point, the Old Man only adopted me as a favor to Senji Shang. He rearranged my chakras and poisoned my Ki with his own in order to make me a suitable heir even if our blood didn't match: in noble families, incest isn't unheard of, nor is it uncommon. If he was already going to adopt me, why not make use of his new male heir to keep his spiritual bloodline pure? After all, he produced a daughter. Old guys typically believe that a bloodline will die out if their offspring is delivered through the daughter and not a son, so I would double as a son as well as his daughter's concubine... I still don't know how I feel about that.

"Hey, Rasha." said my sister, "Are you happy here? With us?" It was such a strange question that I was taken aback for a moment, as if I were being tested. Though she looked at me warmly, there was a moment's hesitation within her eyes like she feared that my answer wouldn't be satisfactory. "Yeah, I love living here." I said without much thought into my words; I think I really just wanted to see her smile confidently. Perhaps that half-assed answer was precisely why she stopped walking. Her smile was still there, but it felt hollow, vacant of any true emotion save the puppeteered impression of joy. "I love you, you know that, right?"
    "Yeah. 'Course." I said distantly, yet again. She knew that I didn't know what those words even meant. There was no weight to those words, only vibrations carried by a breeze I was downwind to. I knew their meaning, but I had nothing to compare them to. "I love you, too." I said. Though I struggled with understanding the words when they were spoken to me, I understood their sacrosanct intentions and that the words should never be used when they aren't meant. I love her so much, she was the one constant in my life. I saw her eyes squeeze, holding back water as she came close to me and squeezed me tight.

I think she knew I meant what I said, but I also think she knew that I didn't accept the same words that she lent me to recycle. I don't know why, but there was always something about how she hugged me that put me at ease. Maybe it was the warm scent curled within her kimono, or her strong yet gentle arms that wrapped around me, perhaps it was the gently beating heart that pressed itself against mine to let me know everything would be fine so long as she was there. So long as I could depend on her to save me...

That's exactly why I have to leave. I'm done burdening you, Shiho, my first love.