De aged loki

Chapter 17

Returning to his older self brought back all of his memories- it was like something being stuffed in his mind. He sometimes wished that he could still be stuck in his younger self-body; not knowing what happened to him, what were the horrors that he witnessed. Just living his life, not caring about anything.

The nightmares plugged him nearly every day. He didn't want to remember the days in the sanctuary or the days in Asgard's cell. He thought he would stop having those nightmares, but of course no - nothing he would ever wish could happen.

The sound of his own screams wrenched Loki from the last dregs of his nightmare. He could feel the traces of pain that echoed through his body in his dream. In a flash, his hands were up at his mouth, fingers pressing in to tear out the thread, but he found nothing.

A ragged gasp tore from his lips. A dream, he told himself. It was only a dream. Somehow, this did nothing to ease the ache in his chest, nor the way his hands shook violently as he tried to calm himself. He needs something -

Something to vanish the images as they kept replaying in his mind.

"There will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice you can hide from him."

"Stop-" he pleaded weakly.

"Enough of your lies, Loki!"

"I don't -"

"Your birthright was to die!"

"You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain."

"Stop!" He yelled. He can't do this any longer. His entire body was shaking, heart pounding so rapidly he's truly afraid it's going to stop. Please, he can't breathe. He can't, he can't, can't, can't, can't.

"Prince Loki-" Jarvis' sound was so far away and he tried to follow it, anything to keep these memories from resurfacing.

He wanted to reply to Jarvis to say anything, but he feels like his body is not his anymore; he's barely able to take in a shaky breath before the words die on his lips, his tongue-tied. His body was trembling almost violently and he had close to no control.

Why can't he breathe?

"Prince Loki, focus on my voice-" he is trying, but - "Take a deep breath," Loki did as Jarvis said, just following not knowing what he was doing. "Hold it and Then count one - two - three." Loki closed his eyes, the images were still there, but he tried to focus on Jarvis' voice." Let the air flow out slowly ." Loki did this. "- one - two -three."

Jarvis repeated the same words and Loki was following these words, focusing on Jarvis' voice. He eventually calmed down and when he opened his eyes, he found Thor looking at him worriedly.

"Loki." Thor was trying to approach him slowly to not startle him.

"I-I-I..." he wanted to say he was fine, but both of them knew it was a lie. So, he stopped and looked at his hands - ashamed of showing such weakness. Every day he keeps Thor awake because of his nightmares, but he doesn't want to be alone. He needs Thor even if his brother might think this was annoying.

Thor sat on his bed, hesitantly and waited for Loki to say anything, but silence filled the room

Eventually, Thor couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to see his brother like this, it broke his heart to see him like this -

"Can I-" Thor said softly, but Loki didn't allow him to continue what he was saying - the young prince threw himself at his brother to hug him tightly and Thor returned his brother's hug. Thor tightened his hold on his brother and Loki was almost sitting on his lap like when they were younger, but of course, Loki didn't do this (to not make it more embarrassing.)