The True Life of Peppa Pig

January

Dear dumb stupid diary,

Life being 17 is so hard. Daddy is always telling me that i have to do better in school, but like i'm FUCKING FAMOUS. I have better thing to do than waste time at school. I am a gift and he needs to realise that.

I love mommy so much more. She always tells me to what makes her happy. One day I ask her what makes her happy and she told me to and I quote, "fuck off peppa i'm smoking weed right know, GO DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE". But like does how does she not understand! I AM DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE! and that was asking her what makes her feel happy. She is very honest with me. I love that.

Daddy talks to me even though I HATE HIM. THAT FAT PIG NEEDS TO GET A LIPOSUCTION. He is always telling me that I need to start getting more C's on my report card and not D's. What he does not understand that I am giving him a fake card and that I ACTUALLY GET FUCKING F'S, AND HE SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH MY FAKE D'S. But he is dumb and does not understand that. He always like, "PEPPA GO DO SOME READING!" or "PEPPA STOP LEAVING YOUR G-STRINGS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR!" I told him he needs to buy a bigger house already. I need at least 3 bedrooms and 2 bathroom to myself just to survive a good week.

I had this idea to get my grades up but i'm not sure if he's into it yet. We will have to see.

Writen by the hottest bitch around Peppa Pig.