Everything around her seemed to go in slow motion. The nurses, the patients, she didn't see their faces, the tears in her eyes wouldn't allow it. The white walls moved from one side to the other, she heard voices in the distance, some called her but not by her name. She ran, ran aimlessly. Afraid. Dread. Terrified. Not in a hundred years would she have been prepared to feel this degree of panic. Her love, her husband, the father of her unborn child, her life, her best friend, her lover, her Benny. In some room of this hospital he was fighting for his life. His life was also hers. She couldn't live without him. This morning when she decided to leave him she didn't think it would be forever, now something greater than distance could separate them and she couldn't bear it. She would die with him. His message. He seemed so calm, so cute, so him. He touched her heart with those words, a heart that was now on the brink of collapse. She couldn't lose him.
Frida stopped when Björn took her arm, she was out of control. "It's over here." He led her to a private room, it was the surgery waiting room. Björn told her that before he went out to look for her, Benny was still undergoing surgery. He suffered chest and skull trauma, surgery was vital. He had a car accident, but he was going well, the accident was caused by another driver who crossed his path, or so the witnesses said. Everything happened a block away from Björn's house. He still didn't say why. "Let's sit down."
"I can't," she said through tears. "I need to get in."
Björn took her gently from her arms. "Frida, you can't. We have to wait here."
"I want him to know that I am here. That I didn't abandon him."
"He would never think that," he assured her. "You're here, and you'll be the first to see him once when the surgery is done."
Frida hugged him, took refuge in him, in her good friend. This was the worst of nightmares. Tears flowed from her eyes nonstop, but she had to control herself. She sat with him, her hands trembling in her lap, just as her lips. Björn took her hands in his to warm them up, she was cold. Neither said anything for a few minutes, they just let time pass. Time was gold right now, it passed painfully slowly. Frida looked into space, she was no longer crying, but her nose and eyes were red. "Why was Benny going to your house?" She asked in a whisper.
Björn sighed, not knowing if telling her was convenient or not. "Some business," was his reply. She didn't move and he watched her carefully; she looked very tired and her glow had disappeared. Benny had already told him more or less about the arguments they had lately. He didn't want to intrude, yet he couldn't help but ask. "Where did you be all the day? Does the suitcase have something to do with it?"
Frida gasped, the weight of her actions was too heavy right now, talking to him might help. "I abandoned him, Björn," she said with a lump in her throat. "I was a coward and I ran away from our problems. I wanted a space for myself and to teach him a lesson. I wasn't going to come back unless he agreed to therapy. It wasn't blackmail though, it's just that I'm already so tired, I can't conceive of a life like the one we've led in the last few months. He is destroying us and I have reached my limit," she paused and a tear slipped down her pale cheek. "But now... I wouldn't mind living like this for the rest of eternity, I just want him to live and be by my side."
Björn hugged her, he knew how difficult this was for her. He didn't judge her. "You did what you thought fit. Only you and Benny know what you're going through."
"I don't want to lose him, Björn. I don't want to, I can't."
He felt her shiver in his arms. "Ssh no, you won't."
"Am I being selfish?"
"No, you are a woman in love. And believe me, Benny is very lucky to have you. You have been very brave, and now you have to be even more so."
