My Heart

Prologue

Please bear with me I know for sure that there would be a lot of grammatical error, wrong use of punctuation marks and misspelled English/Tagalog words.

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, character, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual person, living or dead, and actual events is purely coincidental or author's real life events.

This is not affiliated with any universities.

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"Sometimes...when I imagine about the future...I-I can't see myself in it. All I can see in my mind is the people around me having a beautiful life, having a family and falling in love. Whenever it happen my chest is starting to feel heavy and I couldn't breathe."

Naka tingin lamang ako sa mga mata ni Dr. Ericka ang aking psychology doctor habang pinipisil ko ang aking mga kamay at piniligilan ko ang mga luhang nag babadyang bumagsak.

"Do you ever feel envy about it?" Tanong niya sakin "Whenever you think about them, do you question your life? And thinking of falling in love too? Tanong niyang muli sa akin.

Mabigat sa dibdib ko ang mga tanong na yon na kahit anong gawin kong pigil sa pag bagsak ng mga luha ay di ko na nakayanan at ito ay tumulo na ng tuluyan. Ngunit natawa ako ng sarkastiko sa aking sarili

"Yes, I feel envy that they can live their lives without thinking of how much time do they have left, while here I am running out of time. And love? What is the purpose of it anyway...I'm just going to leave that person...I-I can't love anyone." Sagot ko kay Dr. Ericka habang minsan ay nauutal dahil sa ako ay naiiyak.

Sobrang hirap mag mahal lalo na kung alam kong iiwan ko den naman sila. Mahirap kasi kailangan ko ilayo ang sarili ko sa kanila upang mabawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman nila sa oras na ako ay mawawala na, kahit gaano ko pa siya o sila kamahal mas pipiliin kong mag dusa  ng mag isa at itago ang aking sarili mga nararamdaman kesa hatakin sila sa mundo ko at makita silang nasasaktan.

"But did you ever fall in love?"tanong sakin ni doc Ericka. "Did you ever see yourself with someone you love in the future?" Tanong niyang muli sakin.

And with that question, a face of a man appeared in my mind and it brings back all the memories we had. My chest started to hurt not physically but emotionally and my eyes are getting blurred because of the tears that I'm not letting go.

"Yes, I have loved someone before.He was the reason why I still wanna live 'before', but like I said I can't love anyone so I had to push him." Sagot ko.

Tangap ko na noon ang kapalaran na meron ako pero dumating siya binago niya ang isip ko, ginusto kong mabuhay para makasama siya. Dahil sa kanya ginusto kong labanan ang hadlang sa buhay ko.

"That's all for today Dr. Ericka."
Sabi ko dahil alam ko na kung saan patutungo ang usapan at ayaw ko na maalala dahil mahihirapan lang ako.

She asked me take notes of what she's saying but my mind is spacing out and all I can think of is the man in my mind. The man I used to loved. The man who used to give me hope.

I went out to Dr. Ericka's office and went to the washroom to fix my self because my mascara smudge all over my face when I cried. After I fix myself I went to my another appointment which is my check up.