Looking Down On The Clouds

Chapter 1

I wanted to stay on my bathroom floor forever, but I knew I had to get up at some point so I did. I took my time cleaning up the mess I made last night, for I had no other plans.

Then I remembered what even brought me back to reality this morning and went to check my phone. I was surprised it didn't break after I threw it against the wall but I was even more surprised that someone called me. No one ever calls me. Who would anyway? I had no friends and not even a management anymore since I didn't renew my contract after the hiatus.

When I looked at my phone I saw that I had two missed calls from Liam. I had to look twice though because I hadn't spoken to any of the boys in years and I had no intention of doing so any time soon. Not because I didn't like them or anything. They were always nice to me which was more than I deserved. They were all just too good for me and I never fit in. They were better off without me.

I just wanted to ignore Liam's calls, hoping he wouldn't call again and just let it go, whyever he was calling. I wanted to put my phone back down when I saw that he left a text message too.

"Hey Louis, it's me Liam. I tried calling you but you're probably still asleep or busy."

I was neither.

"Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I would love for you to attend my birthday party tomorrow."

I checked the date and saw that it was August 28th. Right, tomorrow was Liam's birthday. Being at home all the time and doing nothing, I really lost track of the days. It was a little confused. He didn't invite me to any of his previous birthdays since the band split up. Neither had any of the other boys. Why now? I kept reading.

"I know we haven't talked in a while, but I'd really love to talk and just catch up. It will be a small party, only with some people who are really close to me. The other boys sadly can't attend because they're all not in the country but I'm really hoping you are and that you'll come. I miss you. Liam"

Okay, I had to take a moment to take that in. Why did he want to catch up after all these years? And I doubted that he really missed me, I mean what had I ever been to him other than a burden? A fifth wheel in the band?

I really wanted to just ignore him and I did for a while but then I felt bad so I took my phone, read through the message again and thought about what I was gonna answer. I still didn't want to go but honestly it felt kind of good hearing from Liam and I did miss the boys. And it was his birthday after all.

"Hey, Liam. It's good to hear from you. I'm actually in town and I'd be happy to attend and catch up with you."

Before thinking about it I hit 'send'. I looked at the words I had just written and I didn't recognize myself in them. It was weird, I hadn't written or spoken to anyone like this in a while. It sounded like I was actually good. I guess pretending over text was easier than in person.

Already a few minutes after I had my doubts and kind of regretted agreeing to attend. What if it would have triggered me or if he would have noticed something was up? There was no going back now.

This evening I had to relieve a lot of pressure. I was so scared of interacting with Liam after such a long time. Of interacting with anyone at all. I was surprised I got any sleep at all, even it it were just 2 hours. For me that was a lot.