Fire and Smoke - Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Chapter 80

"Oli- Liv-" Wanda blinks those green eyes of hers and I feel my resolve crumble within me, my heart tugging at me to give in to her. "Livvy. Please stay with me."

She reaches with trembling fingers for my hands, and I let her take a hold of me, aware of what she just called me. Her skin, warm and soft against mine feels so right, the way our hands mold together like they don't belong separately tugs at my heart again. I could pretend it's all right. She feels so right, she always did. But when I look up from our hands, meeting her eyes, it's not all right.

Her eyes pool with tears, making her irises come alive, the green of her eyes dancing like leaves on a tree in the middle of a summer storm as her pupils dilate into pools of darkness where I've lost myself many times before. Again, I want to just jump in anew, not caring about anything or anyone. She calls, and I answer. She's where I belong. She frowns slightly, creating small, fine lines on her face, her eyes traveling between my features, trying to discern my thoughts. She's still not reading my mind. I realize as she bites her soft, trembling lower lip, waiting for me to make a decision.

I open my mouth and she blinks expectantly, but I can't make a sound. I want to say yes, I'll stay, I'll be whoever you need me to be, hurt me, use me, toss me aside if only I can be in your orbit a little while longer. Your flames burn me and scar me but they keep me warm and I would never run from you.

But her words from earlier remain echoing vividly in my ears. She doesn't remember me and she misses them. As much as I could attempt to ignore it, those words she spoke dug up all of the insecurities I had buried far below ground when she promised me it was me and only me. And I am not stupid. I recognize the chance I have been afforded because of Hydra. If they have erased me from her life, I have to go through with it. Because as I stand here now, looking into her broken, pleading expression, I am aware enough to realize she is just as broken as she was when our paths crossed for the first time. I never fixed her. I never helped her. I was the one that helped bend her more until she broke. I broke her.

"No." I hear myself utter calmly, and she exhales shakily, her pupils dilating more.

I tighten my grip on her hands and her eyebrows pull up as she shakes her head slightly, as if she could convince herself she didn't hear me. I feel oddly calm on the inside. It is almost as though I've been broken enough times for it not to hurt anymore. Where the hurt should be, I just feel empty. And so tired.

"All I've ever done  is hurt you, love." I calmly tell her as her breathing becomes slightly irregular, forced. "From the moment we met we hurt each other. I can't believe how lucky I've been to have known you for as long as I have, which might not be that long but to me feels like a lifetime. I've come to love all your little quirks-"

I smile weakly, unknotting our fingers and bringing my hand up slowly to her face where I press my thumb down softly in the middle of her eyebrows where she always holds tension. Her eyes follow my hand and at my touch, her eyelids flutter close for a moment and her face relaxes. I allow myself to admire her one more time. I gently bring my hand onto the right side of her face, my thumb softly caressing the wet area under her eye which makes her slowly open her eyes and hold mine with her intense gaze.

"If you ever need my help, I'll always be there for you. I just can't be here." I softly tell her and lean in, giving her forehead a soft peck.

I know I'm dragging this out, finding any excuse to touch her. If that means I'm selfish, then so be it. I know how much I'll replay this moment over and over when she's but a memory.

"I need your help now." Wanda's voice is tense and at the same time so quiet, her lips barely moving as she tries one more time, giving me one more opportunity.