My life

2015

this year so far has been a living hell for me, i helped out at the hockey games with so what you wanted to call best friend brittany, well i was not to happy when she got all pissed off at me for a play i wrote, it wasnt really about her it was more about kind of what happened. she got pissed off and walked out of my life when i need her. i had this friend named mrs pascoe, she is a great friend and helped me alot with my problems, she would also drive me home.

on march 9 i went to my coop placement and the teacher talked clamy to me about me stay after 11:30 and that i didnt even have the rights to cause my teacher didnt know anything about so i was fine with that it was very sad but i left at 11:30 she had asked me a few times that day if i was ok, i told her yeah cause i was but i was hurt on the inside.

on march 10, it was an inschool day for coop so i went to school and thought of it as another day, it was all good, and i was very happy. when my teacher told me the coop supervieser madam roy wanted to see me. 10 minutes before class ended so i went down and she started to talk to me, then she tried to blame a childs being bad on me cause it was family. so i was hurt and upset cause i got told that i could stay at my coop until 1:30pm but she was telling me no i couldnt. so i was upset and hurt that i went and talked to mrs pascoe, then she told me to go to the princaple, so i did. i told him what had happend. he didnt really care, and i told him i didnt like being put in a class that i had allready take 2 time in the past 2 years and i had just taken the class last semster. so i didnt want to take it again. but he told me to suck it up. so i was pissed off.

march 11. i skipped school. i skipped coop and i stayed home and planned the stupid thing i could have ever done to myself. i wrote out my note to my family to read when i was gone. then i planed the way i was going to commite suicide. i knew the pills would take to long, but drowned would be to hard cause i wouldnt be able to do it. i tried messaging some friend to try to talk me out of it here is one of the message i got from a person that was suppost to be my best friend in the world.

(message

You need to stop! Ok! I'm trying to help but every time I try all you do is try to push me away! You are a grown up now not a child. Little things like what a teacher or principal says shouldn't bother you! They are just words! Yes words can hurt but you don't need to drag it out like this! You are a 19 year old ADULT not a 9 year old kid. I get you have had a hard time growing up but you don't realize that IM TRYING TO HELP YOU! And you are just forcing me away! You need to act your age now. You live in your own. You have a place of your own. You don't have mommy there telling you what to do! You are a GROWN UP! Please start acting like it)

this really hurt me cause she was suppost to be my friend and help me so that kind of pushed me over the edge. but like i say to other people when my friend brittany left i went to the end of the cliff, with the stuff happening at school i jumped but held on, then with the message from that friend i let go and i feel to my death. but i wasnt really on a cliff this is just how i explain it to people so they understand.

around 5:00 i was ready to go i message a facebook page that helped me out alot, and i told them i was dont and i was going to commite suicide. there was one girl that told me not to leave and to stay safe that help was on the way. well i didnt care i took 10-15 clonidine a mediction that my doctor gave me to help me sleep. well it wasnt long before i could hear sierns but then i didnt hear anything so i thought nothing of it. just as i was finishing the pills, there was a knock on my door, well i wasnt going to answer it. my uncle then let them in, i was not to happy about it. my top door wasnt locked but i kind of wished it was that day. they would have just kicked it in anyway. so once they got in my place. the paremdics came over and checked my heart rate and asked if i had taken anything. i was scared i didnt know what to say and beside i was watching a movie so i had headphones in anyway. well the told me to take them out so i did as i was told. then they found the empty bottle and asked if that what i had taken i told them yes cause i knew they wouldnt leave if they knew i was ok. you cant really lie to police anyways it not right. so then i they helped me up and it was a nice female paremdic. then i got on my slippers, that i had worn to school the day before. and they took all the other medication from my table. then i walked down my stairs almost fell. then the male paremdic told me they would catch me if i fell. the once outside i walked to the amblance. got in then they check out my vitules in the amblance and took me to the hospital. well they didnt speed or anything like you think they would. once to the hospial. the got me a wheel chair and then they took me to the trama room. i got in the bed. then they gave me charcoal to drink it was gross, it made me want to puck but there wasnt much i could do so i drink it. once that was done they gave me and IV needle, then they did blood work. once all that was done i was down in the ER trama room for a while. my mom called trying to find things out but i didnt want to talk to her. they waited for my call until they could wait anymore and my mom got my grandma and aunt to come see. i was upset and hurt the nurse asked me if i want to see them i told her sure them came in and i was almost in tears then i end up crying. my grandma asked me what i did so i told her. my aunt was beside me crying. then my grandma went and talked to the the doctor to find out what was going to happen with me i already knew i was going to have to stay for a while. well she came back and my aunt was with me crying and i felt bad i didnt want them to cry. once they left i was taken upstair to the 4th floor i was taken to th ICU. i got hooked up to a heart montor, the blood presuer thing. then i also got an IV. once all that was done i got to call my mom. i told her everything i didnt mean to make them hurt and upset. i didnt mean to scary them i told her. she understood. then i went to sleep for the night. well i was up every few hours.